Nameless - [jihan]

CHAPTER 19

Joshua's pov

Jeonghan now grabbed my hand. I was trying to hide my sadness and fear so bad but I just couldn't.

He saw the teardrop forming in my eye, I had to leave him now, for my, and specially, his sake.

I wasn't healthy for Jeonghan.

I turn to him to say goodbye. To leave him.
I felt a grip.

He's just holding my hand now.

"Joshua".

He's just calling my name. My whole body feels paralyzed and unable to respond to anything as powerlessness fills up my body and mind.

"Joshua listen"

I'm really warm... and I feel like I want to run away. but I want him to keep holding my hand. Why do I feel this way?
I turn around, facing Jeonghan.

Why are we keeping such distance? Why are we like this?

"Joshua" he pauses again as I am now directing my nervous gaze at him,
"I love you" he adds.

I faintly smile at him, still doubtful wether I should leave or not.

But now I just can't.
I don't want to.
Jeonghan is everything to me.

"Hey" Jeonghan softly utters as he gently pulls me into a hug as silence has now followed.

I could feel my face rushing with blood almost like I was bursting from the inside.

He was making me feel this way, as my body slowly let loose and followed to embrace him back.

What he just said... he loves me?

Even though I ignored him for a whole week?

How can he love me?

I could feel a strange feeling in my stomach. It wasn't the first time with Jeonghan's presence but it surely felt different. His statement made me feel different now.

What he said... is this, is this what love is?

I'm just a student though. A random guy who he just casually met. How can he feel this way towards me?

As the flow of thoughts started rushing my mind only one I was now actually focusing on.

A single thought no one could now erase from my mind, as I started pondering on it.

Was this perhaps .... what they call love?
I snuggled my head in his neck as he gently stroked my hair.

I've always thought no one could love me except my brother Taemin. Mom and dad certainly had their own ways. They didn't love me.

But someone... Jeonghan... Jeonghan is saying he loves me now.

A long moment of quietness after he first spoke.

"Joshua you alright?" He asked as I brushed off that one tear from my eye and distanced myself from the hug. I gazed at him.

"Yeah" I softly smiled at him as he let go of the hug too.
We were now looking at each other.

"Jeonghan, I" I paused, "Jeonghan I love you too" I replied as my cheeks were flushing red.

I was still trying to figure out what just happened since it was totally unexpected.

"Jeonghan listen...", as I was trying to recollect myself in order to talk.

"I love you, Yoon Jeonghan", I briefly paused and took a breathe, "I love everything about you, the way you talk and listen, I love the way you're affectionate and just natural. The way you take care of others and your genuine personality. I wish and pray to God that you'll stay on my path and if you happen to do so I wanna give you everything. I wanna cherish you to the greatest extent. I wanna spend my life with you Jeonghan".

I took both of his hands, softly smiling as I had tried to gather all my thoughts to express.

I noticed Jeonghan was now a cherry red too. Perhaps he didn't expect me to reply with such words. But it was true.

I loved him.

But now Jeonghan, Now Jeonghan was ... crying? What for?

"I'm sorry Joshuji" he softly chuckled flustered.

"It's okay hey" I replied with a faint smile at him, caressing his cheek in reassurance, "you don't wanna make me tear up again" I said giggling, with my eyes getting wet as I spoke.

He smiled and looked at me. I smiled back at him and followed to come closer to Jeonghan, giving him a soft peck on the cheek which I softly stroked just the moment before.

"Im glad you feel that way Joshua. I feel complete now we cleared up everything actually" he faintly grinned as he took my hand.

We then headed back hand in hand, as everyone now noticed everything was alright with us two.

"Everyone we should go on a trip next month" Hoshi announced loudly standing up, while we were all chit chatting.

"What do you mean?" I spoke, wondering what was he planning since next month we have a break from lectures. It was gonna be fun finally getting a pause from all the stress uni schedules were causing us.

"Well Minghao and I planned a super duper fun trip in the forest" Hoshi continued as Minghao briefly nodded.

"Yeah we pretty much planned everything already" The latter added.

"What about it?" Jeonghan said as he was holding my hand. He felt once again warm at the touch, it was gentle.

"Minghao's parents own an accommodation big enough for all of us!" Jun excitedly spoke, knowing everything already.

"That sounds fun omg" Dokyeom said as he cupped his mouth in surprise. "You're damn right" Minghao added smiling at the younger.

They were all happy to leave for a few days, far from here.

"We're leaving on Monday and we'll stay for about three days" Minghao continued, "there are five rooms, Jun and I can sleep in the living room" He followed to say, "Wonwoo and Mingyu offered to sleep in a room, so Joshua and Jeonghan can use the other one". He winked at me and Jeonghan, knowing we all needed our space.

"Me and Vernon can use the other room if it's not a problem" Seungkwan said. "Sure yeah. Woozi, Seungcheol, Dokyeom can use the one with bunk beds. It's big enough for them".

"Chan and I can use the one left then!" Hoshi spoke as he stood up in excitement.

"It's all set then!" Hoshi then added.