Loving My Mates In The Beast World

Chapter 22: But I Had None

(Jemin's POV)
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It's been two weeks since the winter is complety gone now. Still now I can't believe that my other bear brothers aren't here with me anymore. And it aches a lot to know that no one really cares that much.

Mom had cried only for 3 days before she was coaxed by my father and her other mates.

My father's name is Rion. He's the only bear Shan of my mother. And of course of my mom's favourite. Still, I had never saw him expressing his grief for my dead brothers. He even coaxed her to stop crying, not even giving me a glance.

I knew from the day, I was born that we, Shans are born only to die pathetically or to live for the Shashas. Even so, I feel hurt to see the cruelty of the world.

My brothers and me are only 7 this year, yet I lost them just because they couldn't tolerate it.

For a moment, I had even wished if I and my brothers weren't beasts but normal animals. Then, we would have grew up faster and could survive the colder days.

As I grew up, I got only hardships and rejections. My other brothers of my mom's other mates didn't want to play with me. They only used to mock me or put the blames of their wrong doings on me.

Slowly, my shelter under my mom and dad got lifted and I became all alone. I started to learn hunting by watching the other bear Shans who would bring their young ones near the river to catch fishes. I copied them and soon, I could feed myself.

Because, there weren't anymore caves near my mom's den, I had to go deep into the forest for a better living. Soon I had found a cave that could accomodate three people together and settled down there after cleaning it a bit.

I'm glad that I had watched other beasts of the tribe and could at least lit a fire to brighten up my new place. Still it lacked something and I clearly knew what it was.

A partner...

A partner to chat with... A partner to get some comfort...

But I had none.

The first two nights, I managed somehow. But after that I couldn't live alone anymore. I just couldn't tolerate the silence.

Slowly I realized that I am afraid to be all alone. So, I decided to get myself a Shasha as soon as possible.

I had grown up seeing my mom as the only Shasha in 17 years of my life. So, I really didn't know much about the other Shashas out there, even though I had heard about their likes and tastes from the engaged Shans who would often come to relieve their frustrations on the river banks.

Sometimes they would even kick the trees near the river as they would shout, "I want her alone to myself! So what's so wrong about that? Why get mad on me for that simple reason?!"

Or be like....

"I'm already so strong, so why look for other? Am I or your six other Shans not enough? For you to bring back someone again? I reallt want to strangle that f*cking beast!"

Or it be....

"Why didn't she choose me? I'm strong and can defeat more than eight beasts together, but she still mocked me saying I'm poor? How much do you expect from me, then? Huh?"

But hearing and experiencing were something else. When I had entered the local area of the tribe, I saw so many Shasha. Not as beautiful as my mom though, but they had their own beauty.

Some had attractive eyes, some had smooth and soft lips, some had amazing smiles, some had seductive voices and some captivating bodies.

It had taken me enough time to muster up my guts and courage to aproach them. And what welcome me was all heart breaking.

"Oh my God! Who are you? How dare you approach me? I don't take ugly Shans!"

"Get Lost! You look like outcast beasts with that greasy smile of yours!"

"Yacks! Don't come near. You stink!"

And so on. Each of their words felt like sharp claws slowly squeezing its way in my chest, then into my heart.
I just couldn't understand what so bad about me. They even made me questioned myself.

All the time, I had only wished for one thing. But didn't know why I just couldn't get a companion for myself.

How many times had I tried to end my life? I had even lost count of them!

But that fateful day, changed everything when I was suddenly summoned by Simon, the wolf king and my mom's chief mate.

I immediately presented myself in front of him, running as fast as I could for not to make him wait. Seriously, saying I was a little jealous of him and his sons. My mom loves that group of cubs the most and are specially biased to them. And the wolf king also treasures his cubs a lot, unlike my father who only reacted indifferently towards his own cubs.

I had got these sets of brothers when I was 10. Just after I had moved out and I had also realized that my mom had taken two more mates in too. But it didn't matter and I didn't like to pry on their business too much too.

The only relation now I had them is that they gave birth to me. And that's it. It didn't matter to me much.

When I had reached the meeting place of the Wolf King, I found that the leaders of other territories of the tribe were also there.

Hemza was the new Lion King since his father just died, Ethan was the Leopard King and still healthy. As for Anur, The Fox King, he's one of the brothers of my mom.

I greeted them as soon as I reached there and then I got to know that Ethan, the leopard king had once saw me in the forest fighting a pack of wild animals for a long time. And he appreciates my stamina. So he and other leaders had decided to give the opportunity of the new salt trader to me, who would travel from the tribe to the Sea Salt Tribe to trade for salts.

Sea Salt Tribe is the territory of all the water beasts. And they comes out once a month to trade salts with us, in exchange we gave them meat.

Anur had even pointed me out and said, "Cub, I know you can do this. Remember to give them fresh meat. Don't give them the old ones. You need to hunt a few animals before giving them. And I know with your strength, you can handle this."

There was a secret in the fox clans. It's said that the royal beasts can see the past and future of someone if they want to. Even though I had never seen them using it ever, I guess, Anur might have seen it. Or else why would I be chosen as the salt trader when I had never appeared in front of all.

I had thought that I might meet my fateful one during my journey there. So I was excited and immediately took that mission in hand.

I was immediately dismissed after that small yet huge chat. I was really excited when I was leaving, but all the excitement went down, when I saw that face which I never wanted to see.

The irresponsible Shan who had given birth to me and my brothers, yet never cared about us.

I could tell with one glance that he wanted to say something to me, but it didn't matter to me what he wanted to say. I immediately turned my head and walked to the other side of the route from where I came.

I hate him! I loathe him! I never wanted to see him ever again.

"Wuuu.. (hick) (hick).. wuuu!"

I was huffing and puffing while walking but I stopped in my tracks when I heard a soft crying sound coming from a place just few steps away from me.

Curiously, I went near and saw a small beast Shan with a cute long tail, squatting there, by burying his face in his knees with his arms around it.

"Hey, cub! What are you doing here?" I couldn't control myself and asked him when I saw that poor pitiful appearance of him.