Theories, One-Shots, Incorrect Quotes and More

ESMP - Flower Husbands

Literally just me projecting but making it have comfort because God I wish I had someone to be the Jimmy to my Scott. Fun fact I was gonna use my actual cousins name for this but his name actually was Scott but we all called him Scottie so I named him Matt instead.

TW: death, Crying, coping, dissociation, Christianity, guilt, cancer, chemotherapy,

Jimmy opened the bedroom door after not finding Scott anywhere else. Scott was laying in the dark, wrapped in the blanket on the bed. He was staring at the wall not blinking.

His earbuds were in his ears, the music so loud Jimmy could clearing make out the chorus of Oh My by McCafferty.  He sat behind his husbands still figure.

Scott blinked when he felt a new pressure behind him. He lowered the volume and took out one of the earbuds.

"You alright, Scottie?" Jimmy asked.

"He's gone, my cousin. The cancer took him, he died this morning," Scott said, no emotion in his voice.

"Oh honey," Jimmy started.

"The worst part of it is, I haven't even cried, I barely knew him. I mean there were some moments here and there with him but... I haven't even cried for him.. does that.. does that make me a bad person?" Scott rambled.

"Hey, hey, look at me Scottie," Jimmy coaxed Scott to turn over, now staring at Jimmy's knee rather than his face.

"You are not a bad person, everyone copes differently, it takes time to process these things honey," Jimmy said, rubbing Scott's shoulder.

"But his kids... Jimmy he had kids, they're so young, the twins- they won't even know him they're only one Jimmy, and his daughters a teen, she's gonna struggle so much and his toddler probably won't even know what it means-" Scott continued to ramble.

"We can go visit them in a few days ok? We can bring them a gift basket for his wife if you want," Jimmy offered. Scott nodded. He mumbled a goodnight, putting back in his earbud and cranking back up the volume. He turned back around and stared holes through the wall.

~

A week later is when it hit him. It hit him hard. It felt like he couldn't breathe. Matt was gone. Really gone.

Jimmy came home from work and as soon as he opened the door he heard wailing and faint music.

"Scott?! Scottie!?" Jimmy called out, ripping off his jacket and shoes and sprinting to the bedroom.

Scott was sitting on the bed with his knees against his chest. He was screaming and crying, his entire face red. His phone was playing Queen next to him while a Bible sat open in front of him.

"Baby what's wrong?" Jimmy scrabbled to sit next to his husband, laying a hand on Scott's knee.

"He's gone! Matt's gone! He... he.." Scott shrieked, throwing his head back against the wall harshly.

"Baby don't do that, your gonna hurt yourself," Jimmy gently scolded. Scott continued to scream and wail.

"Scottie, honey take a deep breath for me, honey it's ok," Jimmy began to work towards calming Scott down.

He had one hand behind Scott's head so he couldn't hurt himself as he slammed his back repeatedly and the other was being held in a death grip by his husband.

Eventually Scott's screams had turned to sniffles. He moved to be laying against Jimmy. Jimmy's free hand was now buried in Scott's hair.

"He... Matt loved Queen, it was... was his favorite band.. I remember he had this speaker, it was a blue cylinder. Whenever we went to his house for a bonfire the two of us would talk about music and sing Queen songs together.. he.. he also loved reading the Bible, he is... was a big christian guy, he annotated all of his Bibles, I was going through one of his Bibles," Scott muttered.

"Come here honey, it's ok baby. At least you got to make some good memories together," Jimmy said, pulling Scott in for a gentle kiss.

"They couldve saved him... they wouldnt do chemo on him because his liver was weak, there are other methods... other therapies or surgeries.. the doctors could've-" Scott cut himself off with a sob.

"Oh honey.. oh baby..." Jimmy began to shower Scott in love, not really knowing what to say. Scott eventually cried himself to sleep in his husbands arms, who then tucked them in and they cuddled all through the night.

It was hard for a long time. There are still a lot of hard days for Scott. Jimmy can always tell when Scott opts to blast Queen in his earbuds and stare at the ceiling or wall rather than get up.

~~~~~

Sorry for the vent chapter I just can't stop thinking about my cousin who passed away back in late May or early June. Scottie was shot point blank in the back of his head 5 days before my parents wedding but somehow survived and made a full recovery in time to give a big speech for my dad at the wedding. He was in Iraq for 8 years with the army, a bomb blew up a ton of people right in front of him once. He died to cancer. Cancer the doctors didn't even attempt to stop. He suffered so much in the last few weeks, months even. I hadn't seen him in a month before mom went to the hospital at 4 in the morning. That's the day he passed away. His wife just moved a few towns over last week with her new boyfriend. Ever since then I can't stop crying and thinking about Scottie.