Baby of the team - WSL

part 31

30th September

Since Leah had outed her secret about her eating disorder, she had to get a nurse/mental health specialist to help her with her eating and getting her weight up. When Leah told the group, it had gotten back to Jonas, who forced her to be weighed. She was 30kg, which apparently was the weight of a 10-year-old, which was bad. Lotte had helped her to find the nurse and was very involved in it. She loved that about the lotte. She was trustworthy and calm and wise years beyond her age. She never ceased to amaze her with the stuff she said sometimes. She had gone to every session with her. Over the past 2 days, they had gotten very close. She had let lotte see her like properly seen her after she promised not to tell anyone. She hadn't winced or grimaced or been overly sympathetic she just held her as she cried. Later that day, she told her to talk to her or someone when she felt like that, and she had agreed that she tally knew that the chances of her doing that were low.

they had travelled back to London the day after the incident at breakfast and tally and most of the other girls had slept right through it. Leah and beth were awake and tally sat next to lotte. that was the first proper time they had had a conversation. they talked about school, not being a favourite topic for tally especially as she was going back to a new school in a few days. but nether the less she actually quite enjoyed talking to lotte about it. they talked for a bit until she noticed how tired tally looked so she put in her music and went to sleep. lotte was nice and let tally use her shoulder as a pillow.

it was nice to be back in a room where she wasn't living out of a suitcase but she still hadn't properly adjusted to living there yet and was rather missing her old house. her home.

flashback -

she was sitting in her room doing her homework with lotte who was around with the dutchies and offered to go check in on the kid. she saw that she was doing homework and helped her with the little things she needed such as spelling which she needed a lot of help with cos of her dyslexia. it made it quite hard to do anything writing and reading with it. but lotte didn't say anything about it just gave her the spellings she needed. "aren't you a bit hot darling?" she asked not meaning to pry. Tally shrugged not really answering her. She couldn't lie cos it was obvious that she was probably hot but she couldn't take it off with lotte there she didn't want lotte to leave she was helpful and kind and just a really nice person to be around. It was just difficult for her as the sleeves kinda acted as a shield for her from the world. "You know darling you can take it off if you want to, I have a slight idea why you don't want to and that it has something to do with the bandages sometimes on your arms but I won't say anything. I would never say anything it's not mine or anyone else's place to say anything or comment on anything about your body!" She said. Tally turned around to face her and looked deep into her eyes. Slowly she pushed the door too so no one else could see it well just jill and Katie at this point. But still, it mattered to her. She took her top off so she was just in a grey nick thin strap sports bra and the Nike pros she had on that were a deep forest green. She knew lotte was looking at them but for once she didn't feel judged she just felt seen. The ones on her right arm were worse than anywhere else, they were the ones that had opened on the match on Saturday. "How did you know?" She asked lotte softly. Lotte smiled at her and said "I had an idea when you first joined. You never changed with us always wore under shorts and shirts always in long sleeves it signs I've seen before, and then I began to notice the bandages and the occasional wince when someone touched you on the arms or thigh or stomach and then there was the match when you fainted and your arm was bleeding so much leah had to wrap it in her top and I saw Niamh after the match she was seriously shaken up by it but she wouldn't say why just that she hoped you were okay. That kinda sealed the deal of it for me!" She explained. Tally looked at her and nodded feeling a bit impressed with her skills. "You are seriously observant like wow I mean I barely notice the things I do half the time beth or Leah or someone has to grab my hands if I'm scratching at them cos I'm zoning out or something like that!" She said. "Are you worried about meeting the nurse?" Lotte asked. "I don't think so I just want to get better I mean I was like 11 when it started and 5 years later I'm still just as fucked in the head!" She said. Lotte chuckled at her. "Well I think it's good you want to get help like it's really good and well that's one what to put it I guess!" she hadn't noticed the scars across tallys back that she hadn't put there. the burns of cigarettes and scars of belt buckles. all inflicted by the woman who pushed her out and decided she didn't want her. her sisters were the mistake that her mum loved. she was just the mistake. she had been told that her whole life. her papi never saw it like that but he was hardly ever there he was out making sure there was food on the table for them. she learnt to live with it.