you look so cool. (matty healy)

three

February 22nd, 2008- My 10th Birthday

I run downstairs to see the living room covered in pastel pink and purple balloons. I always loved my birthday. Not in a narcissistic way, but I loved the idea of growing up, becoming an adult, and making a life for myself.

My birthday simply represented me becoming one year closer to the best version of me. And of course, with Matty by my side.

Suddenly I hear "Happy Birthday to you" come from the kitchen. I head down the hall and see my best friend, Matty singing.

We've never missed each others birthdays, not once. Even when he went to visit his family in Manchester, I made my Mom drive me up to surprise him on the big day.

That's the kind of friends we were.

We never did presents, being with each other and spending the day together was always enough. This year was different though, I see Matty holding a small gift bag in his hands.

"Matty! What is that?" I yell. "We never do presents! I just wanna hang out with you", I said.

"It's a special one though. Finally 10, which means double digits. Don't worry, I'll always be older than you" Matty replies and sticks his tongue out.

I give him a playful nudge, and grab the bag from his hands. "I'm only kidding, I appreciate the gift. But, first I just wanna have breakfast with you," I reply.

Sticking to our tradition, the birthday breakfast was always the same, pancakes with strawberries and powdered sugar for me and pancakes with loads of syrup for him. I will always cherish these moments. I often found myself simply staring at Matty, drinking in the moment, knowing these special birthday mornings were ones I'd never forget.

I pretended like I didn't care, but all breakfast I wondered what Matty possibly could've gotten me. We never do gifts, so it has to be something special.

"I know you wanna look," Matty says and points towards the gift bag.

He always knew what I was thinking, even if I didn't.

"How'd you know?" I pouted as I reached towards him to grab the gift. Sometimes I think I know you better than myself," Matty replies. He was always wise beyond his years. Always able to but into words feelings and emotions I could barely comprehend.

I rip into the bag and pull out a small black box. "Matty this has to have been expensive," I whine. I'd never gotten jewelry myself, but had seen my Mom open these and she was always grateful for such a large gesture.

Matty says,"You're my best friend, for you nothing is too much."

I slowly open the box nervous to see what he could've possibly picked out for me. At first I just see the silver chain, but as I take it out, I see the small charm at the bottom. It's a chocolate bar, our favorite snack to share. I'd never felt joy like this before. I wrap my arms around his neck insisting he put it on me. "Matty I absolutely love it," I say.

"Now, because I got you this, you better always share your chocolate with me, even when we drop it in my Mom's car and the entire thing smells like a Hershey!" Matty exclaims.

"Matty I will share anything and everything with you. Pinky promise," I reply.

We lock fingers, securing the promise. We spend the rest of the day together, and I go to sleep with an unfamiliar feeling. Something about this birthday made everything between Matty and I feel different.