Fuck. That grey puff of smoke follows him everywhere. The scent of cigarettes sticks everywhere, and it always reminds me of him.
But it's not him.
I haven't seen him in six years, but a simple puff of smoke on the London streets takes me back to t...
Fucking shocker. I screwed up again. Luna is definitively the best thing in my life, alongside the band. I don't know why I keep pushing her away. I can't help it, it's in my nature. I don't think I deserve anything good in my life, so when it happens I sabotage myself. That's why Luna found me crossed in my dressing room just two hours before the first show of our tour. That's why when I heard Ross and Luna talking about being there for me, I flipped out on her.
I wish I could allow good things to come into my life. I'm just such a fuck-up and I don't know how to get better. Last night was easily one of the best nights I've had in a long time, but I woke up this morning, and panicked. Seeing Luna's face fall as I walk out the door hurt me so deeply, I went straight to the venue and got a drink. It was stupid. I know she would've listened to me had I just explained to her what I was going through.
I finish getting dressed, I'm wearing a white button up with black trousers and a black tux jacket. I'm also wearing a black tie, and I tuck a pack of cigarettes into my breast pocket. Against my better judgement I tuck another in my back pocket, just in case. I snag a bottle of wine to bring on stage, and I head into the general lounge room and meet up with the rest of the band.
The guys all look at me as I walk in, I figure Ross caught them up with my little incident. "My favorite child," George teases at me. "Do you need a snack before the set," Adam continues. "You guys are assholes," I say.
They all laugh and Ross claps me on the back. "Whatever let's just put on a fuckin helluva show tonight," I say to them. "I'll cheers to that," Geoge replies, as he hands me a beer. We all cheers and drink to that before we make our way to the stage.
The lights are dark backstage, and all I can see is the glow of cellphone cameras from thr crowd. The crowd is roaring, cheering and screaming, and it's all for us. I can't believe this is my life. Just a couple of years ago I was just some post-coke average skinny bloke, and now I'm in New York City, playing a sold out show to a fuckin' amazing crowd. I can't believe this is real life. Ross sees me pause, taking in the scene, and he comes up and gives me a hug. "Let's fuckin' kill it," he says in my ear, shouting over the crowd.
The big black curtain that reads "The 1975" is put down, hiding the stage from the crowd. The cheers only grow as the crowd sees things happening. I nod at him signaling I'm ready. George, Adam, and Ross head out to take their spots. George behind the drums, Adam on stage left, and Ross stage right. I stick my in-ears in and hear the countdown for me to head onto the stage. I pull my red electric guitar over my head, ready to go. I fix my hair one last time, and then I stick my purple guitar pick in my mouth. Since showing Luna her Dad's message, and his pick he gave me, I've used it at every show I played. I know she's mad at me, but hopefully she'll see the purple pick and know I'm thinking of her Dad and that I carry him with me everyday.
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The lights flash one last time, and I head out onto the stage. The crowd erupts as the curtain falls, revealing the band. I'm supposed to go straight into the song, but I am in such awe of the crowd, all their to support us, I can't help but simply can't bring myself to play. I just laugh, and burst into a big smile admirning the crowd. I look over to Ross and he's doing the same thing. We both have the biggest smiles on our faces in complete disbelief this is our life.
I look back towards Adam and George as well and signal to George to give a countdown. He kicks a five note beat, and then we start the show. We are opening with 'Sex', this is one of my favorites to play live. The heavy guitar and the fast beat makes it so fun to play.
And this is how it starts Take your shoes off in the back of my van You share my shirt, looks so good When it's just hangin' off your back And she said, "Use your hands and my spare time We've got one thing in common, it's this tongue of mine" She said, oh She's got a boyfriend anyway
I'm having the time of my life on stage, but I can't help but look for one single person in the crowd. Luna. I am scanning the crowd and suddenly I see one of the floodlights hit her. She's dancing having the time of her life. I keep my eyes on her wishing she would look my way. finally, we make eye contact. She smiles at me, and my heart melts.
Now we're just outside of town As you're making your way down She's got a boyfriend anyway She's got a boyfriend anyway And I'm not trying to stop you, love If we're gonna do anything, we might as well just fuck She's got a boyfriend anyway She's got a boyfriend anywayGot your tongue pierced anyway You in your high tops any day You in your skinny jeans anyway You and your fit friends anyway I'd take them all out any day They all got backcombs anyway They all got boyfriends anyway
I point towards her and wink as I sing. She sings the words right back to me and I swear to God I couldn't be more in love with anyone else. The show is amazing, following Sex, we jump into The City and Me and You Together Song. Then, we slow it down and play Undo, Be My Mistake, and Sincerity is Scary.
Finally we shuffle through most of our songs, and we come up onto the final song of the night, Robbers. I've been thinking about what I'm gonna do to close the show on a big moment, and I have an idea. There's only one person who I'd want to be up here with me as I close out our first show of our first ever tour.
I hear the slow intro of Robbers come in and I begin to sing.
She had a face straight out a magazineGod only knows but you'll never leave herHer balaclava is starting to chafeWhen she gets his gun he's begging, babe stay, stay Stay, stay, stay
The entire song I don't break eye contct with Luna. We are completley enraptured in one another. I don't know what comes over me, but before I know it I'm jumping off the stage, and walking towards where she's standing in the VIP/ Crew area of the pit. I approach her as I continue to sing.
You'd find out everything's gone wrong Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, babe, you look so cool
I grab her hand, slowly bringing her into my chest. I pull her into a hug as I sing "you look so cool". She hums in my neck, singing along. I pull her into a hug and put my whole heart into the last couple lines.
The songs comes to a close, and the lights dim. Looking at Luna, I rip my in-ears out and lean in to her ear. "You look so cool," I whisper. "I'm sorry I'm such an ass. I love you. I want to talk to you, I promise." She nods, and kisses me on the cheek. "I'll hear you out Matty. I love you. You really did shine like the sun tonight," she says to me.
I kiss her on the forehead and run backstage, ready to embrace my best friends following our fucking awesome first show.
