Fuck. That grey puff of smoke follows him everywhere. The scent of cigarettes sticks everywhere, and it always reminds me of him.
But it's not him.
I haven't seen him in six years, but a simple puff of smoke on the London streets takes me back to t...
I had been waiting for this day for what felt like forever. A couple months back for my birthday, Matty surprised me with three day passes to go see a music festival in Paris. It was easily one of the best gifts I had ever recieved. Not only do we get to go to Paris together, but he gave me the gift of experience, a memory with him I will never forget. Matty and I had been talking about it nonstop since he gave me the tickets, I'm honestly shocked he kept it a secret for so long.
It felt so adult. Just me and him going on a trip. I was ready for the adventure. I loved Matty so much, and I knew he loved me to. We never said it, but it was just a sentiment known between the two of us. We had a hotel and everything set up. It almost didn't even feel real until we were sitting side by side on the train Thursday night. Matty pulled his phone out, and plugged in his earbuds. He silently hands me one of the earbuds, and I slide it into my ear, and rest my head on his shoulder. He lays his head on mine as well, and we peacefully listen to the likes of Mazzy Star, Ramones, and other alternative rock bands.
We stay like this for a while, but I see Matty shift a bit in his chair. I pull out my earbud and look at him, "you okay?" I ask him. "Mhm," he says to me. "Um I brought something, but if you wanna keep listening that's cool too." Matty says. I nod my head, signaling to him to take out this mystery item. From his backpack he pulls out a book called, "Love is a Mixtape". I give him a slight questioning look. "I heard you mention it once or twice and I don't know, I thought we could read it together on the ride."
My heart swells. He remembered how badly I wanted to read this book. "Matty." I say, "I would love that." He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close, I put my hand up behind his head. He begins to quietly read under a hushed breath, but loud enough so that I could hear. I gently scratch his head as he reads to me. We stay like this until the train finally pulls into the station in Paris. Time flew by so fast, laying in his arms makes time move differently.
We get off the train and exit the station, I can't believe we are in Paris. He pulls me in and kisses my temple, he whispers to me, "I'm so happy to be here with you". I smile at him, "me too."
We are able to grab a cab to take us to our hotel, but we don't stay put for long. The sun is starting to set, so we want to get out and see as much as we can. He grabs his backpack and I put my camera around my neck. He slides his hand into mine and he says to me, "allons-y ma chérie," with a slight wink. "What? Since when do you speak French?" I ask him amused. He gets all shy and says, "I had to learn a bit for the trip, you know thought I'd help us get around." My stomach fills with butterflies, he cared so much, he went out and learned French phrases just to help us get around on our trip. I pull him in and kiss him.
We head out, and simply wander the streets. We laugh as we wander the Parisian streets, amazed by the architecture and the culture. We share cigarettes as we walk, imagining our lives together in the future. "Do you ever wonder where we'll be in five years?" I ask him. "Course, I do. You and I takin' on the world. I wanna go everywhere with you, Lu," he says to me. "I can see us, living here." I tell him. "We'd live in a small flat, maybe it would even have a view of the Eiffel Tower. We could own an art gallery, you would manage and I would paint. Each night we'd open a bottle of wine, and laugh and fuck until we fell asleep. Maybe we'd have a dog, hell maybe even kids. Whatever it was, it'd be perfect because we'd be together." I say.
"I'd love that. I really would." Matty says. "I want everything with you. I want to come home to you after my first day of work, I want every birthday with you, I wanna drink wine each night with you. Wherever you are, I'm right with you. Je t'aime tellement ma chérie." He says to me.
"Okay that was sweet and all until the language barrier," I say with a smile. He grabs my hand and pulls us around the next corner, and there it is, the Eiffel Tower. It might sound stupid, but it was so amazing to see in real life. Something I'd heard of as a child, now right in front of my eyes. "We'll come back, don't worry," Matty says to me.
We have a nice dinner out on the streets of Paris, we laugh the entire time, simply embracing the prescene of the other. That's one of the thing I love so much about our relationship. When we're together it's me and him. Nothing else matters, we both are completely enamored in the other all our other problems disappear.
We finish dinner, and begin to make our way back towards the Eiffel Tower, so we could see it illuminated at night. We stop at a small shop and grab a bottle of champagne to take over with us. It's almost midnight, and the glow of the tower leads us towards the big field in front of it. "After you," Matty says to me, signaling at the ground. I sit down, and he follows. He pops the bottle and hands it to me to take a sip. We pass the bottle back in forth for a while, and once tipsy, we both end up laying in the grass. I rest my head on his stomach, and he plays with my hair. "I'm really happy to be here with you," I say to him. "Yeah, me too Luna." He replies.
It's almost two in the morning and after laying under the stars, Matty drags me up off the grass and we begin to trek back to the hotel. We continue to finish the champagne, and now we are both definitely tipsy, me personally, borderline drunk. We hold hands swinging our arms inbetween the two of us, but Matty suddenly stops walking, much to my surprise. He drops my hand, and sits down in the middle of the street. He slides his feet out and lays back, so he is now fully lying down in the street.
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"Matty, what the hell are you doing?" I say with a giggle. "Lu come down here with me, please," he begs. I stumble down and lay next to him with my head resting on his shoulder. "I love it here. I love being here with you. You just make everything so vibrant," he says to me. "Matty, I really had the best day, thank you." I say to him.
"I never thought I'd find someone like you," he says quietly. "Someone I'd always want to be around. Someone I could never, ever get sick of. But shit, here you are. I'd do anything for you. You know that?" Matty continues. "Course, I would too," I reply.
"I look in your eyes and I see everything I'd ever wanted. Luna, I-," he starts to stumble over his words, almost like he's nervous. "Luna, I love you. I love you so fucking much I can't even believe it. I never thought I was capable of feeling this way for someone else, but hell I can't help it. Loving you is the easiest thing to do." Matty finishes quietly.
"Matty." I say in disbelief. "I love you too. Always have, always will." I tell him. I press my lips to his and he kisses me for what feels like hours. "Forever," he whispers to me as he pulls back from my lips.
