you look so cool. (matty healy)

five

I can't believe this. Not only has Matty now wandered his way back into my life, he's insisted I become a part of his. For years this was all I had wanted, but that was when I was young and naïve. I've matured enough to know what's best for me, and going back down that path isn't.

Alex explains he'll give me the week to make a concrete decision, and if I opt to take on the job he'll go over paperwork and commission.

Of course I'm gonna take the job, I would be an idiot not to. Right? Deep down I wonder if I am pressuring myself to take it on just to see him one more time.

Not many people understand the feeling of losing a best friend and the love of your life in an instant. They don't understand what it's like to be left behind, watching someone else's life through pictures. It should be me in the pictures, not me looking at them from behind a screen.

Sometimes I don't even know how we let it happen. How could two people so close, so meant to be come crashing apart in seconds? We had sacrificed so much to make things work, and in the end he left anyways.

May 2015

Matty and I are laying on the floor together, his head rests on my shoulder, and mine on his. It's quiet aside from the soft hum of "Always Forever" by Cults playing on his record player in the background. "you and me, always together. we could stay alone together."We both loved this song, any music really, but this was one of our favorites. One of my favorite things about my relationship with Matty is the comfort I feel around him. Silence is never uncomfortable, we can simply lay on the floor together without speaking and still feel so connected to the other.

Matty always joked that it was written in the stars for him to find his moon, his Luna. I pushed him away, joking that he was such a romantic, but God it made me feel so special.

As the vinyl comes to an end, I shift to stand up. He grabs my waist and says "not yet, just wanna enjoy this moment for a sec." I settle back down, listening only to the sound of him breathing quietly on my neck. He makes eye contact with me and whispers "Sometimes I really think you were made for me. I don't know about a God or higher power, but something had to give to bring me to you."

I felt my heart burst. Literally combust. I reply "I've never found someone so perfect for me. I don't ever want you to be just somebody else to me. You'll always be the sun to my moon".

Present Day

I start packing everything up to head home after what had become quite the long day. I am surprised to hear a knock on my office window. "Come in," I yell back. In walks my assistant, Charlie, carrying a plastic bag. I give her a confused look, "I wasn't expecting anything," I tell her. "This was just dropped at the door with a note to give it you," Charlie explains.

"I think it's some sort of food, maybe a DoorDash, did you order anything?" Charlie asks. "No, I didn't," I reply confused, "just go ahead and leave it on my coffee table," I instruct Charlie.

She sets it down and heads out, we wish each other a good evening and say our goodbyes. I planned to just leave it and investigate in the morning, I was so wiped out after the long day. While I'm walking out, I can't help but get an odd feeling. Who would send me food? And why?

Curiosity gets the best of me and I wander over to the coffee table and peek into the bag. Inside is a simple cardboard takeout box, but on it is a white envelope that read "to the Moon. Immediately I know who did this.I open the box to see what's inside and just like that the memories come rushing back. Inside the box is a stack of pancakes with strawberries and powdered sugar. How did he even remember that? Surely there's no way that was intentional, and if so, I am seriously fucked.