you look so cool. (matty healy)

sixteen

Present Day

Luckily for me there is a bathroom attatched to the room I stayed in, so before I head out to face Matty, I rinse last night's makeup off my face. On the counter in the bathroom I notice a t-shirt and sweatpants with a note in Matty's handwriting that read "for you if you'd like."

I waste no time shimmying out of my dress from the night before and slip into the much more comfortable lounge clothes. My long hair falls down my back in thick waves. I gargle some water and throw on some deodorant I found in a drawer.

I give myself a quick glance in the mirror, take a deep, breath and head out of the bathroom, into the bedroom. As I approach the door, I hear a light strumming with a quiet voice backing it coming from outside.

"Don't call it a fight when you know it's a warWith nothing but your t-shirt onAnd go sit on the bed because you know that you want toYou've got pretty eyes, but I know you're wrong...Yeah, you wanna find love then you know where the city is
Yeah, you wanna find love then you know where the city is"

I don't recognize the song from the night before. It sounds unfinished though as he stops and starts back up again almost as if he's taking notes on lyrics and such. He sounds really good, the early morning rasp making it all the better to listen to.

I open my door quietly, not wanting to interrupt his creative process. I sneak out, he's facing the kitchen with his back to me. I enjoy watching him work through this song, and when he's done I clear my throat obnoxiously.

"Fucking hell Luna. Scared the shit out of me," he says. "Hmm I would probably give it a 9/10, minus one point for the snarky remark made at the end," I reply with a smirk.

"I see you found the clothes I left for you, they look good," he says in his usual cheeky tone. "Hm yeah. Seems you'd like them a hell of a lot better on the floor," I snap back, teasing him a bit. I see his breath catch and his face flushes. "Still blunt as ever I see," he says. I look back over at him, "you didn't expect anything less and you know it." I reply.

I don't really remember coming home last night, so I really am seeinghis flat for the first time today. It's pretty simple in terms of layout and furniture, however the decoration and personal touches are incredible. His walls are covered in different concert tour posters, vinyl records, iconic photos of musicians, but there's something else that catches my eye.

On the coffee table he has a couple photos. The only photos of family and friends in the entire house as far as I can see. I pick them up one-by-one. The first is his Mom, Dad, and little Brother. It's an older photo probably from when he was around twelve or thirteen. Next, is a photo of the band playing a small gig, I make a mental note to ask him about the context.

The last photo is in a small gold frame, and it's a photo of him and I back home in London. I stare at it for a while. It's a black and white photo of us at a concert when we were probably sixteen or seventeen. Matty holds my hand spinning me in a circle, as we both take in the moment. I remember a random woman took the picture, and after she came up to us and showed us the photograph. I remember her saying "you guys are such a beautiful couple, maybe even soulmates from the way he looks at you."

I stare at the photo a little while longer before I put it back down, and Matty says, "I'm not sure if you are hungry, but I uh made some breakfast, if you are, but I mean if you have to go it's okay."I can tell he's nervous, he doesn't want me to go, not just yet. And truth be told, I'm not ready to say goodbye to him either. I nod, and tell him "I'm not in any rush." This seems to give him some peace, as he noticably releaxes and ushers me to follow him to the table.

The table is set nicely, with two plates, one with pancakes with strawberries and powdered sugar and another with pancakes doused in maple syrup. I look at him with the biggest smile, he pretends t avoid my eyes, as he smiles up at the celing and laughs softly to himself. "I thought it would be nice to keep the theme of old habits," he says.

"Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I really appreciate it," I tell him. 

"Of course, no big deal," he replies. "No," I say. "Thank you for all of it. Thank you for coming back. Thank you for letting me take on planning your first world tour. Thank you for the letter, you didn't owe me an explanation, you were at such a hard point in your life. Thank you for being you. Thank you for loving me, and you don't have to say anything, but I need you to know I never stopped. Not once."

He looks at me, his eyes clouded. Looking at him now, I remember all the mornings we spent together, his raspy voice, his perfect curls, and the morning talks we would enjoy. "Never, not once, did I ever stop loving you. I never even stopped thinking about. I mean hell, do you think that I could have forgetten about you?" He says.

My heart is pounding so hard, there's no way he can't hear it. Neither of us moves for a moment, but like magnets we begin to come together. I wrap my arms around his neck and look him in the eyes.

He doesn't want to do anything he's not sure I want so I give him the smallest nod, as I dig my hands in his hair a bit. He dips his head down, our noses touching. He hovers there for a moment, knowing that once he crosses this line it's over. Noses connected, I feel his hot breath over my lips. I open my eyes to meet his. He looks pained. It's something we waited so long to get back, neither of us want to waste the moment.

I whisper to him, "It's you. It's always been you, always will be. You're the sun, and I'm the moon."

He meets my eyes again, before holding my neck and finally kissing me. Suddenly his lips are on mine and everything just makes sense. All the questions and unknowns I've ever had are answered. It's Matty, it's always been him.