Fuck. That grey puff of smoke follows him everywhere. The scent of cigarettes sticks everywhere, and it always reminds me of him.
But it's not him.
I haven't seen him in six years, but a simple puff of smoke on the London streets takes me back to t...
I woke up with the sun beaming in through my window shutters, and with Matty by my side. He lays still as I flip over onto my side to get a better look at him. I've known him all these years and I still can get lost in the beauty that encapsulates him.
The small freckles that line his face are usually unnoticed in simple passing, but laying here with him, they are so obvious to me, I don't know how I could have ever missed them. I trace them gently, careful not to wake him, but I can't help myself but to reach out to his face.
Falling over his golden brown eyes are his gorgeous dark curls. I twist them on my fingers, feeling the texture around my fingers and I take in the slightly woody, slightly vanilla scent. He is absolutley mesmorizing. I lose myself in him.
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He gently stirs and his eyes begin to flutter open. "Hi", he rasps out in his morning voice. "Hey," I smile back at him. He yanks me even closer to him, and holds me in the warmth of his body. He holds me so tight and we simply breathe in the other.
He flips me onto my back and rests his head on my chest. "Just like to listen to your heartbeat sometimes," he whispers. I smile and scratch his head to which he hums in approval.
Recently Matty had been distant. I had a feeling he was using drugs. We were too unfamiliar with weed, but something so dramatic has shifted in him, I knew it had to be something worse.
And then I saw the small bruises on his arms, likely from needles. When I saw I sat him down and said, "Matty why? What? Are you..?" I couldn't believe it, I didn't know what to do. He promised me he was okay, he just got roped into it with some guys the other night. I hugged him and told him not to get involved with that shit.
He nodded and kissed me gently, "I promise my moon. It was just a bad night," he said.
That fucking liar.
He stirred and began to sit up, silently indicating he wanted to get the day started. I sat up with him. He got out of bed to make some coffee for us, and I began to make up my bed. My parents were quite used to Matty being around the house at this point, but they don't exactly know just how much time he spends here.
We ate a quick breakfast together, and I got dressed in my work uniform. I worked at a local record shop, and I absolutley adored my job. Matty would usually hang out with me at work, but today he had plans. I kissed him goodbye as I run out the door to head to work.
The day seems pretty normal, not too busy at the shop, and I got to spin some new vinyl. One thing did differ though, I didn't hear a peep from Matty. About an hour before I got off my phone rang, it was Matty.
"Lunnnaaa!" He yelled into the phone. "Wow I missed you allll day. I'm picking you up, and we are having an ad-ven-ture," he slurs into the phone. "Matty are you fucking high right now. And I don't mean stoned," I say sternly. "Baby. Baby. Baby. I love you, I'll see you at four," he says and then promptly hangs up. I can't believe him. If he thinks I'm getting in the car with him while he's high off his ass, he really has lost sight of himself.
Four p.m. rolls around and sure enough an eratic Matty bursts into the doors of the shop. Customers are staring and he's coming right towards me. He's in black skinny jeans and a floral top, completley unbuttoned. Normally I'd swoon over this, but now I'm just worried. There's no way I can leave him in the car by himself in this state. It's okay I can help him I think.
I let him lead me into the car, and put on my belt. He pulls me in for a kiss, and whispers to me "you look so cool". I roll my eyes and reply, "Alright let's just head home". He shakes his head, and slides on his Rayban sunglasses."No, no not yet, I got a fun plan".
"Matty, let's just go home, c'mon," I beg. He continues down the street, and makes a right turn onto an abandoned road. His cigarette barely balancing on his lip and the wind tears through the car. He speeds up, now going at least 30 kilometers an hour over. I've never feared Matty before now, but I was terrified.
We speed down the road while he blasts the music. Finally, he pulls into the parking lot of a local petrol station. "Matty what the fuck are you doing?" I yell. He parks the car and leans over into my lap, and reaches into the car's dash. He pulls out a gun.
"Holy shit! Matty what the fuck is that? What the fuck!" I yell. He puts his hand on my neck and slides a balaclava over my head, and then one on his. I don't even understand what's happening, what is happening to him. I'm watching him crumble in front of my eyes.
He jumps out of the car and heads towards the entry. I don't know any better, and hop out after him to try and stop him. "Matty! Matty, stop!" I scream. He looks back at me and winks. I don't know what to do. I run into the shop before him, and yell at the employee to get out, and in a panic everyone flees.
