you look so cool. (matty healy)

fifty-one

Matty's POV

The show was absolutley fucking incredible, I might even say it was one of the best gigs we've ever played. The only thing missing was Luna. As much as I love the guys, when the lights went out and the show ended, I made my way backstage and felt so alone. They all have their families, girlfriends, and whatnot, and I just don't have that person who I want to share everything with the way they do.

The only person I wanted to see was Luna. She's the first person I want to tell good news to. She's the person I want to lean on when I'm upset. She's who I want to share every moment with, good, bad, and ugly, she's what I want by my side through it all.

After the show we are all filed backstage, Adam is with Carly, George is with Charli, and Ross (single as well) had flown his parents in for the show. I sit on a couch alone and watch everyone embrace. I drown a beer and stand to walk over towards Ross. I tap his shoulder to steal him from his conversation for a moment, "Ross, man I gotta-," I say. But Ross doesn't let me finish before he's replying to me, "go find her Matty," with a soft smile. I nod, turning on my heel and heading out to the VIP parking lot so I can find my rental car. 

Once sitting in my car, I grab my phone, pulling up maps. By now I have her fucking address burned into my mind from all the times I've sent her a letter, and I plug it into the phone map. A couple weeks after Lu officially moved to LA, I reached out to Zack and asked him for her address. I would've asked her, but I knew she needed some space from me, and I didn't want to overwhelm her by asking. Zack was honestly a cool guy, he sent me her address and we even. chatted lightly about music and shit. 

The map says it's only about a twenty minute drive, I can get that down to 15 I'm sure. It's pretty late, and the LA traffic has died down a bit, so I make my way down south on the highway to Luna's apartment complex. I roll all the windows down, and let the wind run through my long curled hair. The radio quietly plays some random classical station, as I flick on my indicator to pull off at the next exit. I peek at the map and only four minutes rest between Luna and myself. 

I tap my fingers on the wheel as I make the final turn into the gated apartment complex. There's a small booth at the gate with I guess a security officer. I pull up and roll my window down. "Evening, Sir. Can I help you?" The older security guard says from his station. "Uh, yeah. I'm Matty, I'm uh just visiting a friend, won't be long if I can just slip in." I reply to him. "Name of who you are visiting please," the officer requests. "Luna Woods," I tell him. "Well, you're not gonna find her here," he says. "What?" I ask him.

"Luna?" He says. "She moved out almost two years ago now, maybe like 20 months ago I suppose?" The guard explains. I stare staight ahead out of the window. She hasn't been here for almost the entire time I'd been writing her? Where did all those letters go, and how did I not fucking figure out she didn't live here anymore? "What?" Is all I manage to reply. "You're not Matthew Healy are you?" The security asks. 

I turn back towards him, giving him a confused look. "Uhm, yeah," I say back, still confused. He gives a soft smirk, and he turns around and I hear shuffling inside his little fucking security pod or whatever. "Well, I mean do you know where she lives now?" I ask him as he continues digging around in the room. Finally the guy reappears, but he has a brown cardboard box in his hands, "I believe these belong to you," he says to me as he hands me the box. It's full of all the letters I'd sent Luna. "You kept all these?" I ask him quietly. "I figured someone must love someone a helluva lot to keep sending letters with no reply for almost two years." He says to me. "Thank you," I tell him. "Really, thank you."