JJ Maybank imagines

bodyshame

TW: self-harm, mentions of blood, degrading.
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also want to preface this by saying i don't think kie or sarah (or the actors) would ever body shame someone. this is just for the imagine.
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bodyshame: Kie and Sarah say some hurtful things towards you without realizing how much it affected you. In an attempt to make the thoughts go away you self-harm and when JJ finds out he does everything he can to remind you how truly beautiful you are.
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this was requested <3
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Today, just like any other, was hot and humid. So following our daily routine we ended up at the beach, soaking in the rays and catching waves.

"Some gnarly waves out there." John B nudged JJ's shoulder in an attempt to get him to surf with him.

"You coming with?" JJ looked over to me, as if my answer determined his. I sat in the sand with an over sized t-shirt loosely on my body. My mindset was hard to explain, I was exactly self conscious, but something about bikinis always made me anxious. Especially when the girls had phenomenal figures and I was less sculpted as them.

"I think I'm going to tan, I'll watch you though," I smiled over at him as I held my hand above my eyes to block the sun.

"Don't burn." He winked at me and got up from the sand, grabbing his board and rushing to join Pope and John B in the waves.

"Why do you still have a t-shirt on? It's hot as hell out here." Sarah asked as she used her hand to fan her chest.

"Yeah, take it off and tan." Kie added, tugging at the fabric of my shirt so it would lift a little.

"Uh, yeah," I stuttered, "I was just about to." My hands gripped the fabric and slowly lifted the shirt over my head. This is the first time I've ever actually taken the shirt off at the beach, usually I watched from the sand and read a book or listened to music.

"You're not as skinny as I thought you were." Sarah's words stabbed me in the chest, "No offense or anything, I just figured you'd fit into JJ's type a little more." No offense? How was I not supposed to take offense to that.

"JJ's type?" I scoffed, trying my best not to break down crying right this second.

"Yeah, y'know," Kie paused, "Blonde, boobs, tiny waist. You're just not in that category." I lifted my shirt off the ground and covered myself, wrapping my arms in front of my stomach.

"At least you have personality to make up for it." Sarah slid her sunglasses over her eyes and laid in the sun. Is that all I have going for me is my personality? I saw Sarah and Kiara as my two closest friends, how could they possibly be saying these things to me?

I felt sick to my stomach and my throat burned from trying not to cry, I could feel my face getting hot from embarrassment, "I gotta go." I mumbled and stood up, slipping my shirt back over my head before grabbing my backpack and taking off up the beach.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just look like them? I know my body isn't perfect, I had hip dips and my stomach wasn't perfectly flat, but that doesn't mean I'm not pretty, right?

No, they're my closest friends. If they said those things then they have to be true. They wouldn't lie.

Before I knew it I had ran all the way home. Thankfully my parents were at work so they couldn't question the face full of tears when i barged through the front door. I let out a scream, finding any way to release my sadness because it felt like a hole in my chest.

JJ's pov

"Where's Y/n?" I asked as me and the guys ran back up the beach. My hair was drenched from falling in the water so I shook my head quickly, drying it out a little.