Everyone ALWAYS acts like the victim, makes it seem like I'm the villain or whatever, and no matter how I try to change it I'm still seen that way. I'M TRYING OKAY. But that's hard when some people won't even give me a chance. No I'm always the villain. That's my fate. When I yelled at Nico because he always does stupid things that hurt Will and I can't stand seeing him hurt and when I snapped at James and he immediately played the victim, I was the one to blame both times. All I ever wanted was to be good enough for someone. But that's impossible because I'm only ever told I'm a burden and not good enough for anything real and I have to do better. So whenever someone's struggling I do everything I can and blame myself for being unable to fix it despite being a stupid kid and half the time it's my fault. AND I KILLED MYSELF AND THE FIRST THING HE DID IS CALL ME SELFISH WHEN THATS ALL ANYONE EVER TELLS ME I AM AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT QUINN WHO FYI SACRIFICED HERSELF FOR ME WHEN I TOLD HER NOT TO BECAUSE I WASNT WORTH THAT AND ALL I WANTED WAS TO COME SEE YOU BUT YOU SAID NO BECAUSE SHE WAS DEAD WHEN YOU NEVER EVEN CARED ABOUT HER AND WASNT I MORE IMPORTANT IN THAT MOMENT COULDNT YOU JUST SWALLOW YOUR PRIDE FOR ONE MINUTE??? Am I not worth that? When all I've ever said is that you're worth that to me? If you cared then why didn't you prove it? Prove it like driving all night to come back to New York on the mere whim you might be there? Even though I hated you I swallowed my pride for you, and instead you lied to me and wanted an apology well so did I but yours sucked and you said you didn't know what else I wanted so I had to act like it was fine because I didn't want to fight anymore. You know, one slip-up and I'm the villain and I come back and say it's completely my fault when I know it's not and do everything to try to fix it but you don't care, but then when it's the other way around you act like the victim and make excuses and expect everything to be okay. How long am I going to have to settle for less? Am I not worth the effort? Am I always just going to be the one who ruins things and gets in the way, and people say that they care but the moment I slip up they don't anymore? Sorry I've learned to stop expecting anything from anyone or feeling like I'm even allowed to have feelings so I don't usually talk about it.
