Apparently Will wanted me to give a speech at the wedding. I'm trying now to think of all the things a good sister who's happy for her brother might say. Don't get me wrong, I am happy. Happy that he's happy. But there's something bittersweet about all of this. Earlier he sent me an email. "You asked why I love Nico" he said. It was a journal entry or something and I guess it was supposed to make me feel better about them getting married but it just made me feel worse somehow. I haven't been able to stop crying since I read it. I don't even know why. Nothing is even changing. They're already married. This is just a renewal thing. So nothing is changing at all and I'm being stupid and dramatic and everything is just fine, this doesn't mean he doesn't need me anymore and besides even if he did that doesn't mean anything and it would probably be his loss anyway cuz I'm like a really great person or something but that's not what it means and I'm being so so stupid and why am I overthinking this when NOTHING IS CHANGING but I still have such a bad feeling and it makes me feel guilty because I'm SUPPOSED to be happy for him because he's so so happy and it would be so selfish and horrible to do anything that might ruin that and I can't even write a stupid speech saying how happy I am for him like I'm supposed to and he really should've just asked someone else, someone who's happy and not messed up and horrible and selfish and fake and ruins his life.
