The past 48 hours have been a nightmare.
Livi died. But now she's back. Still not sure why that's allowed but. Whatever. Vie proposed to Ira. Vie got upset that Will hadn't said anything to them about getting engaged and Will got offended that Vie hadn't told him personally. So I'm not really sure what's going on there. Unfortunately stubbornness really runs in the family.
Next. So that's it. Will's really done. Because Livi wants Dad to make Eleanor hate me so they'll date Livi instead. Apparently Nico was encouraging this and it made Will really mad. And he stood up for me. And I guess that was his breaking point. He told me he wanted to move to Florida and maybe start a new camp there and what happened next is what we call a panic attack on my part. I'd already been really stressed over Vie getting engaged—don't get me wrong I'm happy for them but I really don't do well with change. And there's been a LOT of that lately. Losing Austin, Will moving out, the kids, falling in love, falling out of love, falling in love again, the kids, the wedding and basically a new family, the kids. And now Vie. And Will moving to where? Florida? I didn't even know where that was off the top of my head and I had to look it up. He wanted me to come with him but I said no. The thought scared me. I've had 2 major moves—the one from Quebec to Toronto when I was 7 and then the one to New York. That one was worse, because Dad wouldn't be coming with me. And it was a whole new country. I wouldn't know anyone, everything would be weird and different. I had a panic attack then too, ran away and it took half an hour for him to find me. In a ditch with a sprained ankle. So yeah, that's how well I deal with change. Thank gods Eleanor was there this time. We went over to Will's house and I talked to him and finally he agreed to buying a house in Canada instead. He mentioned Mary and Noel but I'm not sure yet if they're coming. I told Vie and they didn't say anything. I feel bad about that. But Will needs someone right now. And that can't be Nico. Because when has it ever been Nico. Will took off his wedding ring too. I wonder what's next for his story. Will he and Nico ever want to try again? I have a feeling they might. But even if they do I will never be able to trust Nico. Maybe Will will find someone new eventually. I don't want him to give up after Nico. He deserves so much better than whatever that was. He doesn't deserve a one-sided relationship.
After Will's and my conversation and a lot of tears from both of us I went to Eleanor's room. She might come with us but she's not good with change either. Plus she's afraid of going on a plane. So I don't know yet. Last night she cuddled me this time. I don't know about a lot of things right now but I do know one thing. I'm staying with her forever. No matter what god or fate or petty argument tries to separate us. I know love doesn't work out the way you want a lot of the time. My dads. Me and Leilani. Will and Nico. But I won't let us fall into that. I won't make my parents' or my brother's mistake. Not this time. By every single god from every religion I swear I'm going to make this work.
