I had two visitors today. Atabey came this morning and Eleanor came after Group. Eleanor will be in a wheelchair for a bit but she's not too much in bad shape. She told me I'm incredible. I don't see what's so incredible about being in a mental hospital because you like to cut up your arms, but maybe it's the fact that I want to get better that makes me incredible somehow. She asked if I have a plus-one for the wedding. After that she left kind of in a hurry. She said she was fine but she didn't seem fine.
She told me she thinks I don't love her anymore because I seem distant and it felt like I didn't want her there. Is that how I was acting? I didn't mean to. I did want them there. I think it's these medications. I feel less like myself than ever. And as for if I love her or not, I don't know. In a friend way, yes. But in a romantic way? I'm not sure yet. That's the last thing I need right now. I'm supposed to focus on getting better. Not on that. Taking it one step at a time. That makes it less overwhelming.
