I talked about it to my dad. Our dad, Apollo. He thinks I don't deserve it. My own father. Estelle? No offense but I just can't see it happening in any lifetime. I don't believe in soulmates. I think it's a stupid concept. When I told Will that he got really mad. He said I'm not even trying. I am trying. I hate myself for ever thinking me and Eleanor could be something, and I hate that I let my guard down. At the same time I hate that I had a chance and I didn't take it. I would give up, except...Eleanor's not happy. I don't understand how a person can be so unhappy and not do anything about it. I think I could be so much better than Livi if I just have a chance. But everyone would hate me. This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm not supposed to like her. I'm not supposed to get in the way of perfect Livi's perfect life. And besides, love is too distracting and it's a waste of time because it doesn't last. It just hurts you and makes you wish you'd never met them in the first place.
My heart hurts so much.
