I feel like everything is falling apart. I relapsed yesterday morning. I'm really mad at myself for that. I was doing really good until then. In the afternoon I went over and physically dragged Will out of bed and made him take a shower for the first time since Sunday. I wish I could help him. I know I can't. The best I can do is listen but there's not a lot to talk about. I'm worried about Eleanor but they almost never want to talk either. It's the same stuff anyway. I'm blaming Livi for almost all of this. She threatening to reincarnate. She tells Eleanor "you're the only thing stopping me from being happy." That's it. If she can't be happy no one can. Not me or Eleanor or her family.
Scratch that, Eleanor and I can't be happy no matter what, whether we're together or not. Not like this. I swear every day I love them more and more and every day I get more and more scared I'm going to lose her. They're leaving the day after tomorrow, all of them, to Massachusetts. I told Eleanor I'm going to try to finish up school while they're gone so we can go to Disney together for the Pride celebration in June. And as soon as they get back of course, I'm going to be moving in. So I have all that to look forward to. Until then these next two weeks are going to drag by. I have a really bad feeling about this trip. I'm gonna be worried every minute of the day until they're back that something's going to happen.
