I wish they wouldn't even talk to her. Part of me is still scared she'll get tired of me and change her mind. All my life I've been so hard on myself. Punishing myself for every impossible expectation.
You need to do better. Much better.
Make more sacrifices.
Other people are a priority.
Who cares if you're hurting?
They're all getting tired of you.
At the end of the day, they all know you'll be alone anyway.
And they don't care.
Disappear until they need you again.
Don't be a burden.
Don't get in the way.
Keep your mouth shut and your head down and deal with everything yourself.
The universe doesn't owe you anything.
At night working too late or just sitting there wishing to disappear, wishing for morning because everything is better when it's light, because the nightmares can't follow you there. But you know the next day you'll do it all again. You're holding onto the hope that in a few years it'll be safe for you to escape everything and live a semi-normal life and then maybe, eventually, you'll feel okay again.
This is my life.
Or, it was.
I don't want to go back to that.
Every time I think I could be happy it's like I'm walking on eggshells trying so desperately to hold on to it.
The universe is laughing in my face as I struggle to grasp onto it.
I just need this one thing.
One thing for only me.
She makes it all so much easier.
The voices are almost gone.
The universe wouldn't be cruel enough to take that away
Would it?
After everything?
I deserve a good ending. And I won't let it be stolen from me.
I'll keep on fighting for this.
Even if it kills me in the end.
