Double Trouble

Chapter 10

Neliono

Too much.

Everything is too much.

The house, the people, the memories.

The whole situation is too much.

Fuck. Since when feels overwhelming so, so uncontrolled.

My hands shake. Oh no. An anxiety attack.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Since when I have them again. My last one was after the revenge. I'm about to hyperventilating. What do you do in such a situation? Li would know for sure. 

Breath. Breath is always good. 

It doesn't help. My view gets fuzzy and my breathing uncontrolled. Li. I need Li. Valentino cannot notice something - please. We're now at the first floor and must go one floor more to get to the bedrooms. Yes, I remember the house too. Although not all the situations and events, but the most important and beautiful ones. It doesn't make the situation any better to be reminded how you'd live if they weren't such weak and silly losers. 

At first, I thought I can do it. So bad wouldn't it be. I mean, Li and I lost the trust in others, so we'll just ignored them and wait until the best opportunity comes to go. We'll ignore them too now, it's not like our plan changed, but the whole surrounding is too much. Ben for me. The gateway wasn't the problem. Maybe because I was busy to be there for Li. That's also the strategy how we survive the last 11 hellish years. Distraction. Distraction from the pain, the flashbacks, the real life.

Life.

Such a little but tricky word.

Life is so long good as you see the fake side. The part in which you're happy, carefree, enjoying, and funny. Just wearing the pink glasses and live the life.

But then there is the real side. The part in which you'll meet the darkness, the pain, the danger, and the disappointment. You learn what it means to be on your own. You learn that the ones that hurt you, are the ones that are the nearest. And that kind of pain is the worst. It's not the physical hurt from the real life. It's the psychical one. The deceit is much worse than the beatings, burns.

Maybe some will learn it one the easy way. Or have always the pink glasses on. But some will learn it on the hard tour. Like I and Li. It'll be painful, hard, and sometimes you feel like giving up. Or like you aren't enough, but then I always remembered the words from Li:

"Here on earth are so many people. People who haven't the slightest glimmer how the life goes. They didn't experience hurt, pain, loosing or deceit. But then there are the other ones who get to know it. On the hard tour. And it's kind of unfair that exactly these ones with the needed experience, have to live with the consequents. Consequents from happens they didn't want to be in. But we cannot change the past, the only thing we can do, is to live further on this fucked up earth and change the future. Because we're the people who can make the important and needed changes. Because we're the only one who see the real life. The painful one. And not the dreamful and harmless one with the pink glasses on."

And you know again why you're still on this fucked up place. As hard as it is. Don't give up. We're the freaking important ones even if sometimes the life and fate seem to bully you.

Without that knowledge and Li, I wouldn't be any longer on this world. Maybe I could see Lione again. Maybe we can play pranks at each other and annoy us to death. But maybe we can just lay together on a tree again and forget the world. I miss Lione. Li too. We were a triplet and will it always be. And every time others say 'twins', I feel like to murder them. We are freaking triplets. But I cannot say anything or murder someone. Unfortunately. Because we promised each other that no one ever will get know what happened THAT day. Never ever.