Lost In The Weather (Lusiento High Series 01)

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 26 | Life |

TW: Depression

“Thalia, wake up! We need to study!” Agad akong naalimpungatan nang marinig ang nag-iingay kong alarm clock. Umayos ako sa pagkakaupo at ininat ang braso. Nasagi ko pa ang ballpen kaya nahulog sa sahig.

Inaantok pa ako kaya tiningnan ko lang muna iyon. Thirty minutes of nap is so kulang!

Tamad akong napatingin sa ’king study table. Bukas ang laptop at nagkalat ang kung ano-anong papel sa mesa at sahig. Meron ring balat ng mga chips na hindi ko pa natatapon. It’s so messy!

Napabuntonghininga ako sabay pulot ng ballpen ko. Tamad akong tumayo at pumunta sa kitchen para uminom ng tubig. Alas dose na ng umaga pero hindi pa rin ako tapos sa quota kung saan ako dapat umabot sa thesis ko ngayon.

One hour, dapat matapos ko ’to ng one hour.

Nilagok ko ang tubig sa baso at saglit na nag-stretching para hind na ’ko antokin. Pagbalik ko sa study table ay hinarap ko na naman ang laptop.

After an hour of typing and finding credible sources, I’m finally done with my quota for today. I stretched my arms habang humihikab, I then removed my eye glasses. Napatingin nga lang ako sa picture frame na nasa mataas na gilid ng study table ko.

I paused and think of it again. It was my graduation photo during Senior High. Mag-isa lang ako sa picture habang may suot na toga, nakangiti ako pero hindi iyon umabot sa mga mata ko.

Years ago, after losing someone that is dearest to me. It feels like I lost the other part of me. It feels like life isn’t complete anymore, gano’n pa rin naman ngayon.

I felt a sting of pain on my chest kaya iniwas ko ang tingin sa picture. Why did I even put it here? Every time I see this, it reminds me of the painful thought that I marched on that stage to recieve my dimploma without my mother.

Nainis ako sa sarili kaya itinalikod ko ang frame. I sighed and clean up my mess, pagkatapos ay dumeritso na ’ko sa kwarto para matulog. Mabuti na lang at hapon pa ang klase ko.

I can’t believe I still felt empty. Everything happened six years ago pero parang paulit-ulit lang ang cycle ng buhay ko. For the past six years, I’ve been independent and alone. And I stayed being like this, kasi nasanay na ako.

Kahit sa thesis na pwede namang by pair, pinili ko pa ring mag-individual. I don't know, I am being used of distancing myself to others. Yeah it’s sad and alone, but I prefer to stay like this.

I have other circle of friends but I really enjoy my time alone. I prefer not to have someone to stick on my business for a very one reason, no one will understand me.

No one will understand me except for myself so I better have only myself. I chose to be aloof, I chose self-priority, I chose to stay private. That’s what I am for the past six years, I focused on myself cause it feels like it’s so exhausting to share your life with other people. Or maybe it’s not really my choice, things just happened after the tragedy, I mindlessly walk on this path, nasanay ako kaya ipinagpatuloy ko na lang.

Dati na ’kong introvert, ngayon mas lumala iyon. Kung dati I’m trying to excercise it, now I prefer not to do anything but to be just as this. Silent and private.

Six years ago, I finished my Senior High with latin honors. I worked hard for it kahit na hindi naman talaga iyon ang goal ko. My goal was to plainly graduate With Honor. But I want my mother to be proud of me on the after life kaya ibinuhos ko lahat doon. Studying became my cooping mechanism, I studied hard. . . day and night that I even lost my interest on the other things I enjoyed, one of it is hanging out with my friends.