I feel like i've lost years i haven't lived-September

Maybe It Isn't So Bad Here

After the session was over Phil offered to take everyone out for lunch, Carson however wasn't very into the idea of lunch. It wasn't that she didn't want food. She just didn't want to go out and eat it. Taking food home with them was a different story

So the family of five went to McDonald's and brought the food home. When they were home Phil wanted to clarify that Carson was still okay with the group coming over. Before they had left Eret's office he said he would set it up with the school for Sam to be Carsons mentor. So Phil was thinking about inviting the boy over aswell, considering Carsons first day back at school is tomorrow. Eret had said it was a good idea as well so if Carson was okay with it he figured thats what they would do.

They sat down and ate, the three boys continuing to muck around as always while Carson sat eating in silence. Even though she would never admit it,the girl struggled with eating alot. Honestly she was sure atleast one of the people she lived with had caught on by now. But if they didn't mention it then she wouldn't either.

Carson finished eating, more so shoving the food down, relatively quickly and shuffled off to the living room, Phil following closely after. The two were sitting on the couch in silence for around five minutes until Phil finally broke the quiet.

"Are you okay with the people from last night coming over bub?"

The girl was just staring off blankly, Phil noted. She seemed somewhat confused with the situation, with him asking questions. To Phil it seemed as though Carson was in a different world.

But once she heard Phils voice her head snapped towards him and she sort of processed what he was saying.

"Hmm? Sorry what?"

"Are you alright with the people from last night coming over? I was thinking of inviting over Sam too, only if thats okay with you though."

"Oh yeah."

Carson looked at Phil

"Yeah. Yeah thats fine."

"Are you sure? If you don't want to we can have them over another time."

"Look, Da- i mean Phil, i don't care if your friends come over."

"Well then what's going on in your mind?"

The girl sighed slightly, looking between the kitchen doorway and Phil. The boys were right there.. they might not want to hear this part. Phil seemed to catch onto this thought and offered to go on the front porch.

Once they got onto the porch Phil closed the door and sat down next to Carson on the bench. He put his arm around the girl and gave her a half hug, letting go after a few seconds and ruffling her hair before continuing the conversation from inside.

"So whats going on in that head of yours Sunshine?"

Carson sighed

"The only thing your friends know of me is that my names Carson, i yell at kids, i take off on walks without shoes, and i curse alot. Isn't that a very amazing first impression on someone?"

"Well Niki thinks your sweet! The others don't really know what to think of you."

"We both know a first impression is everything Phil. They probably think im a raging bitch."

She was expecting him to get upset with her for cursing, however just like in the therapist's office he seemed to ignore it

"If they think that then they're dumber then i thought they were, love."

Carson scoffed

"Not like they'd be wrong."

"They would be wrong Carson."

She looked at Phil briefly and scoffed again, shaking her head and looking the other direction.

"Not really. I have to have an anger tutor Phil. An anger tutor. Basically a babysitter. That doesn't make me a great person."

"Carson what you do when you're angry isn't who you are. I know it might seem that way but you are a kid. You're a child Carson. You're a child and you have been through more then most people go through in a lifetime. If that didn't make you angry i'd be worried as hell."

A heavy sigh was heard from Carson

"But i don't even know what im angry at."

"Alot of people don't babe."

"Does that really make it any better?"

"Maybe not. But it doesn't make it any worse either."

Carson was silent for about ten minutes. Processing the conversation they had.

"So when are these people getting here dad-i mean Phil?"

As much as Phil wanted to address the 'dad' thing, he thought maybe it was better to wait until Carson did first.

"I guess whenever i text them. Figured we'd have them over for dinner again if thats fine?"

"I don't mind."

"Well its 1:30, if i text them now they'll be here around 2:00."

"Okay."

The front of the Watsons house was actually quite pretty. It was off a small back road and had a fountain in the front, lots of flowers, and a big willow tree. Carson had figured that Phil's wife had planted them and that Phil just kept them alive since them.

Maybe Carson was just trying to distract herself.. she didn't mean to call Phil dad. It had honestly just slipped out faster then she could catch it. But he didn't seem bothered by it? She had always dreamed of having a good dad and Phil had adopted her, did he want to be her dad? But dads are dangerous.. or maybe just.. her dad was dangerous. And her dad is dead, so maybe Phil isn't as dangerous as she thought?

"Hey Phil?"

The man hummed softly as acknowledgement

"Whats up, love?"

Carson started to stutter. Did she really want to ask this? Well yes.. but was she actually going to? Guess its now or never huh.

"Can i- ca- can i call you dad?"

Carson was expecting to be hit or something worse but when she looked at Phil all she saw was a huge smile on his face. It was clear that all he wanted to do was hug the girl, however he resisted so he didn't make her uncomfortable.

"Yes hunny. Yeah, you can call me dad."

"Okay. Thanks.. dad."

She smiled slightly when she said the word 'dad' and then looked at Phil for a second. He opened his arms as a silent invitation for a hug, one that Carson quickly took. Thats how they sat. Hugging on the porch, waiting for their friends to come so they could see the real Carson.