Loving Mother 💠[2] Delilah-Jo Voight

Better judgement

I bush my hair before walking downstairs "what are your plans today" "uh just the hospital I went in LA with Luke but I figured should here" "Luke the cousin right" I nod "then I figured I should stop avoiding my problems and start solving them and talk to him" I told him.

I held Justin's hand. He refused to leave my side so here we were. "Lilah" I spin to see Will making his way over "hi" I said slowly I didn't know what Jay had told him. I knew that despite everything he was like jay in the sense he would never do anything in front of the kids. "Hey kid how are you doing" "fine" Justin shrugs "everything ok" "yeah is Dr Charles around" "no I can page him" "it's fine his probably in his office I'll go up" "want me to watch Justin I got a break" "I'm going with mum" he said firmly clutching my arm. "It's fine" I assure Will before we walk to the elevator.

"Delilah I haven't seen you in a long time how have you been" "uh" I glance at Justin "everything ok" "truthfully no I do need to see you id also like to get him checked I'm worried" "well I have have time time how about I go get one of our other psychiatrist and we can do both" I slowly nod not sure how this was going to work.

"But mum" "sleep be right out here with me" Dr Charles said "you can see her through the window here" he added making Justin slowly nod "his ok with Dr Allen in there let's sit out here and talk about you" "I'm pregnant with a baby that isn't my husband...I was drunk he was drunk works up with clothes on so I didn't know anything happened beyond a kiss on the cheek until I found out. Naturally I ran seems that habit came back" "where did you go" "LA Luke my cousin lives there he was always my brothers right hand so hugging and being around him is like having my brother back" "that must be nice when was the last time you saw him" "it was uh I always talk or message him...but haven't seen him since I graduated" I spoke to him like a normal session. "I'm terrified of the outcome of this" "why" "because I remember what it was like as a kid and that's the last thing I wanted" "what did you want" "not all of my issues for them...I think out of all the kids I knew he was the one but my disappearing act trigged the bad side the unbearable side" "oh survived it though" "I have to talk to my dad everyday sometimes more" "but that is a way you survive the day his ten he doesn't have all the coping mechanisms you do but he will" "mumma can we go get more metal for my inventions uncle Kelly said that he would help me wield" I nod "I'll give my report to doctor Charles but I do think your instincts are right" a simple way of saying your right he does have your issues in front of the kid.

I lay on the table nervously waiting. Justin was outside, I sent Will a message if he wants to sit with him but who knows. "Ok let's see how the baby is first" my doctor said "perfect" "I had a round of chemo right before like two days before" "we can take bloods to check but baby appears fine...as for the cancer we'll check bloods to see you haven't noticed any abnormalities right" she asks as she measured the baby which was tracking heathy. "No no" I shake my head "because of your age that makes it high risk your cancer makes it higher risk it could mean your life as opposed to your baby" she explains simply. "Going forward my chemo" "obviously you can't continue with chemo I'll get your specialist hang on" she said walking out getting him. A moment later Dr Rider with her comes in. "I hear congratulations are in order" he said smiling "not planned but yes thank you" "on the cancer front we'll do a full new exam as if your a new patient we maybe able to get away with you not having chemo for nine months and everything be ok...if not we will work on a new plan there's pills or medications out there that sure they don't treat it it's not a cure or anything but it's designed to keep you alive you aren't the first woman to get pregnant when you have cancer and you won't be the last" "isn't it like life threatening" "can be yes but for you right now no of course we will monitor it" I slowly nod taking in his words.

I decided to move out. I couldn't live in the house knowing what I did and that he was fine with it. I don't know if I wanted him to be mad either. I just I did something horrible and I couldn't bare the fact he was ok.

"I love Mumma's new house can I move there dad" Justin said "it has a pool" Alvin added to tell his siblings. "Where's" Jay was confused "I know the address but" "it's Luke's house four bedroom with a pool he usually rents it out think it was his parents before his" Kelly said "hey papa if you and mum are getting divorce does that mean we can't hang out" Alvin said "don't know buddy" Jay shrugged not knowing. He didn't want to break the kids heart. He knew that he may not see him beyond dropping his kids off. "Are you and her" "I don't know she's not ok with what she did" "are you" Kelly asks "no but I'm not exactly mad either it's weird I don't know" Jay said rubbing his face "I don't of course I'm devastated and hurt you name it probably felt it but no I'm not mad" Jay said shrugging "what about them" "I'm keeping them until she's comfortable with them going over and everything is organised moving wise" Jay shrugged