Loving Mother 💠[2] Delilah-Jo Voight

A mother first

Aa a mother I had purpose. I cooked, cleaned, I didn't everything for them all for an I love you before they leave it go to sleep. It may be a small measly thing to most when I give everything but to me it meant the world. Those three little words meant absolutely everything. I wake up thinking of the last time Justin said I love you to me, wondering when Caleb will say it. That's generally before the pain suffocates me at the loss of Justin and the heartbreak over knowing Caleb will never know him like we did.

I cry holding a sleeping Caleb my body contorting around him as I sat on my bed. I felt arms around me. I instantly tense "I miss him too" Jay said quietly in my ear as he scooted behind me holding me tight. "Every time I look at him I just think of all the amazing things he is missing out on with Justin...I constantly remember him Justin his smiling face how he was smiling so happy that day when he said I love you as he grabbed his lunch...then I think about my brother how he would have loved to be an uncle to them how proud of Daniel he would be......starting to wonder if that name is cursed" I he hums against me just holding me tight. It was then that I realise he probably hasn't been grieving and it has no doubt brought up memories. I slowly start to feel guilty for not noticing and being a terrible wife. I move my hand squeezing one of his forearms that was around me, making sure the other arm held Caleb safely. "Are you ok" he nods into me "yeah" "we can pretend that everything is ok if it brought up memories you will tell me right even if I seem like I'm a mess I want to be there for you" he squeezed me tighter not speaking but he didn't have to, his actions speak louder. "Are we dumb for trying" "no" "I love you" I said glancing at him not missing his smile "you do have to sleep in our bed though" he laughs into me back "I will" "when you have a case is the only exception" he laughs "there the Voight I fell for" I can't help but smile "he held me tightly that morning I left early because we had a case he was up and he just held me and all I could think about was how late I was going to be because he wouldn't let go but now I would do anything to go back" he spoke I sigh leaning further into him "he has ruzs eyes" "could be mistaken for a brighter version of mine or yours" I don't have to see him to know he rolled his eyes "are you ok with Luis" "brought up some unwanted memories but yeah I'm ok as long as you are with him being here" "I hate it but I'm ok" I smile squeezing his arm "Alvin hates it pretty sure Lexi feels the same" "our Lexi Rose is terrified his replacing Justin her twin she's grieving just keep them apart for now they will be ok she's grieving harder than anyone else he was her twin and now add a new brother into the mix" "he doesn't hate Caleb" "Caleb is a baby who can't talk or do anything back she doesn't really associate with him though I don't force her just let her do her thing" he nods "as for Alvin he will have to get over it I'll talk to him" "I will" "Jay" "no he needs to know that when his here that there are rules and other things" "just be gentle I know your pissed at him but his grieving as well" "I know" he said kissing my head.

"So I have the day off well until we catch a case" he started when a knock at our closed door makes us look up "mum oh and dad uh Vinny looks like his about to kill Luis uncle Kelly had to drop him off because of work and mum wasn't answering" MillieFlorence said holding Aniyah in her arms. "I'll go" Jay said getting up walking over to the girls. He picks Aniyah up giving her kisses in her face as he hugged MillieFlorence kissing her head. "Go give your mum love" he said the moment he placed Aniyah on the floor she was scrabbling as fast as her little legs could take her. MillieFlorence stays watching Jay leave before coming over and sitting beside Aniyah against me. They left room for Jay to come back on the other side. Aniyah was little so they both fit beside me nicely. "Is dad ok" MillieFlorence asks weirded out "yeah why" "his just extra lovey today" I laugh "I'm going to tell him" "mum" she groaned "are you and daddy getting a divorce" Aniyah asks "Vinny he told everyone I think uh why did you leave me" MillieFlorence said asked "no we aren't getting a divorce and I didn't plan it I only didn't bring Niyah here because she was with your dad Lexi was with grandpa and you my dear were all wrapped up in school work and I didn't want to bring you away" "it's not like you moved to Africa mother" "no but you were bonding with Luis and his your brother that I want you to know" she nods I look up seeing Jay nudging Alvin in. "Mumma" he said hugging me realising I was actually here. "He can join" I said to Jay nodding he smiled happily. I shuffle over Jay sat behind me, Luis beside him he was kinda awkward though. I didn't dwell on it just engaging with everyone else. "Remember when Justie used to to always force his way next to mum" Lexi said thoughtfully making us smile.