Loving Mother 💠[2] Delilah-Jo Voight

No more compairing

My eyes hurt with the contacts ever since the accident. Not that I'm complaining I loved wearing my glasses as much as I loved wearing clothes or something, I don't know know. The evening was fast pace like always. The first jay had attended in a while. Kelly was normally here if he wasn't working, he brought Stella or my dad stopped past. Erin has been as well with her daughter to help. Despite it being over a year since the crash I was still very much healing. My body went through it, it didn't feel like my own body anymore. Scars and bruises that were taking longer than usual to heal littered it. Seems the only thing that was the same was my mind. My wrist in a brace, my knee and leg wrapped. I had a knee brace and my whole right leg wrapped everyday. I still had to wrap my stomach just not as often. Seven surgeries, a life time in a coma learning to walk again. I was getting there though. Needless to say I can't do it alone not yet anyways. I also can't rely on MillieFlorence or Alvin. Lexi is still learning to walk and function with one leg.

Everyone was in their room. I knew alvin and Millieflorence weren't sleeping, don't know about Lexi, I know Aniyah is though. I stand in front of the mirror unwrapping my stomach. I had nothing but my bra and underwear on my pyjamas hanging over the mirror. Jay walks in pausing when he sees me. I can't help but frown. "Your beautiful you know you don't have to hide away" he said coming over, making me turn around. "You don't have to have all these on for much longer right" I shake my head "I only have to wear the stomach one sometimes for support because of all the surgery...the knee and wrist one" I pause he helps me take my leg wrap off. "My leg has to stay on for a bit because of the reconstruction and my wrist is only when it hurts" I said "I need to talk to you" I nod "I have a son" I was confused "to Camilla I didn't know about him his been with her parents from what they told me but uh now they can't and they asked me if you don't want to I won't I'll work something out so I can see him and I won't put you through that" he said quickly Camilla was always a sore subject. I wanted to say no, I didn't want a reminder of it. "I can't say no" he looks confused "Adam and I were talking about where caleb was going to live and yeah it's different the whole situation I never actively sought him out or tried to hurt you like you did with her but cheating is cheating and we both did it" I said tears building in my eyes. The love we had was unimaginable and unbearable but also toxic sometimes. "I wish I didn't" "the same way I wish I didn't drink that night and sleep with Adam" "mine was a continuous thing" "ok ok stop we aren't comparing our affairs" "just to be clears yours was a mistake mine was an active affair" he said "I can't say no then ask you to let Caleb live here...I'm not doing it alone though his your kid I'll try to be like you are with Alvin but I can't do that right now if your doing late nights where I'm stuck here wondering if your giving in to her siren call" "I won't give in trust me" "I do I do...I can practically hear my brother screaming 'you did last time though'" I said he just pulls me to him "I won't and I most definitely won't leave you with him at least not until your comfortable...you never pushes alvin on me in fact you didn't want me to do anything relating to him but I fell in love with that hyper kid the same way I hope you one day will" I nod "I'll have him stay with Will or something" I nod again "Kelly comes with Stella and I think alvin has stopped being a little asshole to her" "that's good...how's Sofia doing with Erin" "well they are both going through it new home for both of them and all but they are good come over a lot Sofia is friends with MillieFlorence but I sense that they are only playing nice" "maybe not" "i know girls jay they are pretending" he just nods "you can bring the baby here" I look at him "I kinda expected it actually but if" "it's a little different with him his not a baby" "we're going to have to renovate" "I'll leave that to you to plan might be a good thing" I hum nodding "I could get moon to help she could design her room...we have the whole attic space maybe she'll like it up there alvin would" "ok ok slow down" he said laughing. Our house was large as it is but it only had six bedrooms, not enough for all of us the baby and jays son. The first floor was perfect per say, it was large despite all the rooms being separated by walls, despite the walls the large arches made it feel open. We needed a new kitchen but it wasn't urgent, a large dining room along with a large living room. There was a large office in the corner. "We could put a wall in the office and make another bedroom" I mumble "hey hey plan while I'm not here and then tell me when I come home ok" "so it's perfect" I mumble putting my pyjamas on. "It doesn't have to be perfect I just don't like the idea of you not doing anything so plan the renovations we can do the kitchen and I know you want a new ensuite" he said kissing my head "what's his name" "Luis Ryan Vega" I nod "he can move in I'll work hard to know him his apart of you" "I don't want you in a position where your stuck with him at least in the beginning I know it will hurt you" "I won't the other kids will be here Kelly and Stella come over same as my dad and Erin also Caleb is going to be coming home so I'll have him as a heathy distraction" I assure him "are you sure" "you welcomed alvin and your welcoming Caleb the least I can do is do the same for Luis" "it's different with them though Luis will be a constant reminder of how I almost lost you and no it's not his fault and never will be I know you won't put that on him but I also know you will think it and when your mind gets like that it gets dangerous" I sigh knowing his very right. My mind had been so delicate since Justin passed, I didn't know how to build myself up this time. "It will be ok" I assure him "you tell me if it's to much" he told me making me nod and lean into him "you tell me if she gets into your head" "babe it wasn't her she didn't know about you or Mill" Jay said sighing "doesn't mean she won't try you have history if" "I promise you'll be the first to know" he said quickly seeing me get worked up making me nod.