Meant For You

twenty-seven.

Miles Dempsey

Scrambled.

That's what my brain felt like for a week.

I never pegged myself for an emotional dude but an overthinker? Well, let's just say it's not my best trait. While I've tried not to think about what happened between Nola and me that night at the hotel, it's the only scene that plays in my head. That was never supposed to happen.

When I took her over to the balcony all I intended on doing was calming her nerves. I'm not stupid. I know Nola well enough by now to know that she was still stressing out. She had a rough morning and despite all the fun she had with Kaitlyn on Cap's private jet, her thoughts from earlier were still overwhelming her.

Like I figured, I was right. I knew she would be good with some fresh air and an extra confidence boost. She could've done it herself, I knew she could have, but at the moment, all I wanted her to be, was okay. The girl has had me worried since this morning. Seeing her have a panic attack wasn't nice. It hurt me. I didn't like seeing her in that way which is why I tried to help her through it.

No one helps me through mine but myself so I figured I'd do an alright job at it.

I've been punching myself in the gut for almost kissing her after the day she had. Nola had a panic attack and she was well on her way to having another if I had never brought her outside. And then I tried to kiss her. I tried to fucking kiss her. God, I'm such an asshole.

Today marks one week since that night and I haven't spoken to her since the day after at my game. We didn't talk about it after it happened but the energy between us was clearly different. She gravitated towards JT for the rest of that day, focusing on him like he was the most interesting thing. I didn't like it. Not one bit. But I couldn't do anything about it.

Even after self-reflecting, I can't explain what I'm feeling. When I ask myself why I tried kissing her, I can't seem to find an answer anywhere. My mind goes blank. While I didn't want to think about the obvious reason, it crossed my mind. You like her. No. That's not it. One thing I can do is sit here and cancel that out. I don't like the girl. Not in that way at least.

Then why did you try to kiss her!

I will admit that I don't have feelings for her. But I'll admit that I'm a grown man. With eyes. Ever since I first saw Nola at Blazing Ice, there was an instant attraction. Her mid-length blonde hair. Dark blue eyes that sit under light, thick lashes. Pouty lips and a button nose. Tan skin and the sweetest fucking smile.

And don't even get me started on her body. It's a bonus to her gorgeous face. As much as I try to be respectful, I can't help but stare at her sometimes. She might not be tall but when she's skating, her legs look long and toned. That's not the only toned thing about her though. Nola is pure athlete and I can tell by looking at her.

It's impossible not to look at her when she enters a room and I look more than I'd ever care to confess.

Still, I don't know why I tried to kiss her.

It might have been from pure attraction. It might have been an in-the-moment thing. It might have also been because despite being around women all the time, I've never felt as comfortable around any of them like I do with Nola. I can't explain the weird pull I feel to this girl.

To this day, I still think about all the times we bumped into each other when neither of us wanted to. All the harsh words we both threw at each other. With how much I care about and like the girl now, it doesn't sit right with me remembering those times.

Then it also gets me thinking about all the harsh things she said to me specifically. Does she still think I'm a narcissist? Surely, not. I don't think she'd be around me if she did. That word crushes my soul more than anything and it's like she knew that when she called me it. If there's one word I hate being called, it's a narcissist. There have been too many times in my life when that word has been thrown at me.