Meant For You

forty-eight.

Miles Dempsey

These past couple of days haven't been the easiest.

We lost two out of our four away games, then two more home games in a row. The team had been doing good recently and now we were barely winning games. It was almost the end of the season and I understood that the guys were tired but it was getting embarrassing.

I had been hearing all the talk about how our team was starting to crumble and how we wouldn't make it past round one of the postseason. It had been years since the Kings were in the playoffs and people weren't giving us the benefit of the doubt despite all our successes this year.

We play Colorado tomorrow night and all I want to do is show these assholes talking down on us that we're better than whatever slump we're in right now. I've been giving it my all these past couple of games and my body is exhausted. My off days have been me staying home and focusing on getting my body back to almost normal.

Today, I'm doing that at my best friend's house. Both of our asses have been plastered on the couch since earlier this afternoon. I would have left by now considering he lives with his girlfriend but Kait is currently in Boston visiting her family. Plus, Tate and I haven't had any time together for a while so I thought I'd come keep him company.

He's also helping distract me as well.

Hockey hasn't been the only thing on my mind.

The thought of finding my birth parents is a living parasite in my brain. Especially these last couple of weeks. Even with the season coming to an end, there are still two months of hockey left. If we make it to the Stanley Cup Final that is.

Waiting until during the postseason to find out has been gnawing at me for months already and waiting two more months sounds like my own personal hell. Nola is the only person I've told about wanting to find my birth parents but something inside of me is telling me to share the news with my best friend.

If there has ever been someone to give me useful advice, it's Tate. I also know he wouldn't judge me. He's a big Chloe and Nash fan but he knows the effect that this situation has had on my life. I've talked with him about wanting to find my birth parents during our freshman year at Harvard. He had encouraged me to do it, with no hesitation.

As much as I wanted to, I wasn't completely ready back then. Now, finding answers was the thing I wanted the most. Since I can't talk to Nola about this, I decided to revisit the topic with my best friend. I've been sitting here with him for a couple of hours now gathering the courage to do so.

We watch recaps of some NHL games from yesterday and sit in silence. The TV volume isn't that high and I adjust myself on the white couch. I clear my throat which catches his attention. He furrows his brows. "What's wrong, buddy?" I swallow the thick lump lodged in my throat. It takes me a couple of seconds to find the right words to say.

"I've been wanting to talk to you about something that's been eating at me," I start truthfully. He turns his full attention to me now. His silence tells me to go on. I take an anxious breath. "It's about... finding my birth parents," I admit. Tate's eyes widen slightly. "Have you..?" he asks. I shake my head. "Not yet," I pause, "but I want to soon."

He fixes his posture, back straight now. "Like after the season?" he questions. I bite the inside of my bottom lip, shaking my head slowly. "I'm shooting for that but God I feel like I'm going insane. I've been thinking about doing this for months. I don't know how much longer I can wait honestly," I tell him.

"So what's holding you back then?" His question isn't difficult to answer. "Fear. Fear of asking my parents and breaking their hearts. Fear of not being able to repair our relationship if that's the case. Fear of being.... rejected by them again," I finish. My skin feels like it's on fire in a hauntingly, terrible way. "Rejected by your birth parents?" he asks. My reply is a simple nod.