Meant For You

twenty-eight.

Nola Scott

It did happen.
Miles and I almost kissed.
But we didn't.

It's been a whole week since the...incident. Thank God for figure skating because it's been the only thing that's distracted me enough to not think so much about the situation. If I had any spare free time, I'd be in over my head about it.

When I invited JT over to my parent's house for my birthday, I hadn't remembered that Miles was his personal chauffeur. It's not like I didn't want Miles there. We hadn't talked in about a week so I'm assuming he wanted to just leave it at that. Never speak to me again.

I know he hadn't meant to kiss me. It doesn't take a genius to see he instantly regretted it. Hell, he told me himself he didn't mean to right after he did it. Embarrassment was the first thing that I felt. We were so close to touching lips and then in a moment, it was done. He pulled away and I felt rejected.

Then it was hurt. I felt hurt.

Because to him it was a mistake.
To me, it wasn't.

As much as I haven't been thinking about it, my feelings since after the almost-kiss haven't changed. I wanted to kiss Miles. But then he leaned in first. My heart was racing a million miles a minute at that moment but then he retracted. It had been the first time in a long time that I felt comfortable enough to kiss a boy.

While others might beg to differ, a first kiss means a lot to me. There's a difference between a meaningless first kiss with a boy who you're not going to remember tomorrow and a boy who you know is meant to be in your life. I've kissed many meaningless boys. I've never kissed a boy I know is meant to be.... No.

I'm freshly nineteen. A lot of these feelings are new to me. Which is why I'm terrified. I don't like these feelings. They're also not reciprocated which stings even more.

As much as it hurt, I said what I said to Miles earlier for a reason. It would hurt me more to hear him say he didn't mean to kiss me last weekend. That's why I told him we could just move on and forget it ever happened. If I said it, it would hurt less. If he said it, I'd feel rejected for the second time. In the end, it worked out the way I wanted it to.

He didn't question anything, we agreed and moved on. Watching him leave sucks. Why? Why do I like him? Okay, backtrack. I don't like him. Not like that. Yes, he's a cool guy. He's also handsome and nice and smart and unlike any other man, I've actually talked to. But that doesn't mean I like him, nope.

I'm not naive. He's the first man who's ever had this effect on me. There will be plenty more of those in my life. I can't let this one bother me too much. Not with the way my life is going right now. There are bigger things that I'm focusing on. My future, more specifically. Figure skating.

Men come and go. Miles and I are just friends. Great friends. That's the way it should be and the way it's staying.

I close the front door as the boys pull out of the driveway in Miles's BMW. "Who was that?" A voice behind me makes me flinch. When I turn around, my mom comes up to me, a smile on her face. "Oh, just a friend. They couldn't stay long so they just stopped by," I tell her. She loops her arm through mine as we walk toward the backyard. "Are you having a good time?" she questions.

My mom and dad planned a small thing for me. The only people here are my family and Ember. Since I celebrate my birthday in Oak Hill, it's hard to invite people since most of my friends reside in LA. I prefer spending it this way though. "I am," I assure her. A lot of my family is here today despite them having busy schedules. "Good," she smiles wider, "I thought you disappeared on us."

I shake my head at her and we step outside again. I plop down in my previous spot between Frankie and Zya. "Where'd you run off to?" Zya eyes me while she shoves cake into her mouth. "A friend from school came over to give me something," I lie. Neither Zya nor Frankie knows that I'm friends with two pro hockey players. I mentioned Miles to Zya on Christmas and then Frankie overheard as well but they never asked about him again.