Meant For You

forty-seven.

Nola Scott

I was devastated.

People are right when they say pain doesn't hit immediately. It'll suck on the first day. It did.

On the second day, you'll feel emotional. I certainly did.

The third day and days after that, you'll feel like your life is falling apart. It's been almost a week since I didn't place at Worlds and there's no other place I'd rather be than rotting in bed.

Ember is the only person I've really talked to and that is because she's my roommate. My family has reached out but I'm barely replying to them and anyone else who has tried to get in contact with me.

Every time the thought of losing crosses my brain, I burst into tears that don't stop until my body is physically dried out. I've eaten about once a day too.

Coach Laurel texted me the other day and asked about competing in September for the potential third spot on the Olympic team. To be honest, I don't know if I want it. It's the last thing I'm thinking about right now. All that's in my head is how much of a loser I am. How embarrassing it is that two of my friends flew 13 hours to Sweden to see me be a failure?

Seeing Miles and Ember there for me was the highlight of my life that day. Now I feel like shit that they had to witness that whole thing. Their support means the world to me but I can't help but not feel appreciative of it. Which makes me a bad friend but that's what losing does to me.

Maybe I should have already known that I wasn't going to win. Not when these girls had been training for months and years before me. They deserved it more than I did at the end of the day. It wasn't going to be that simple, I knew that. God, I sound like a brat.

And a sore loser.

But I am. It's exactly what I am.

A knock at my door makes me flinch. Ember left for practice not even thirty minutes ago, she shouldn't be back yet. Before I can open my mouth to speak the door starts to open, making me sit up from my laying position. A familiar, tall blonde walks through my door. My little brother.

Kayce walks over to my bed. "Got you these. I feel like you could use some more." I didn't even realize he held pink tulips in his hand. He looks over to the ones my parents got me last Friday after my performance. They're almost dead which describes my mood.

Maybe I killed them with my gloomy presence.

"Thanks, Kayc," my voice comes out hoarse. He sets them down on my nightstand before sitting down on my bed. "You haven't been replying much these past couple of days," I say. The thought of how he got here just comes to my head. I turn toward my window as if I'll be able to see my mom or dad's cars. "I came alone. Dad let me borrow his car for the evening," Kayce confirms.

For some reason, I let out a sigh of relief. I don't like when my parents see me upset. I don't even like when my siblings see me upset but with Kayce, I've always felt like the little sister. His maturity and aura have always made me feel like I'm younger when in reality I'm not. He makes me feel safer than a lot of people do. "Come here," he says.

I don't even catch the tear that slips down my cheek. When I don't move, Kayce moves closer and wraps his arm around my shoulder. My head falls onto him and the tears flow out even more. It's hard to keep in my emotions especially when it feels like that's all I've been doing.

"I understand that you're currently upset. But you have to acknowledge that the events of Friday are unalterable. You tried your best and your performance was very commendable, despite the outcome. Your capabilities are boundless, sister. I believe in your potential to achieve any future goal. Especially becoming an Olympian. If not you, then who?" Kayce tells me, his voice while still nonchalant, softer than usual.