Paradise 69

11

I LEAN AGAINST THE streetlamp directly in front of the Resort Paradise while staring at the business card that Mijan gave me. It was a black card, with pink letters. Sam Mijan. Ambassador.

He was an ambassador to what?

Vittoria approaches me while holding a steaming cup of coffee.

"I just found a fresh pot of coffee in the lobby, and I thought of you immediately."

I grab the Styrofoam cup.

"Thank you."

"I'm surprised you haven't thrown that card away."

I smile wryly, and glance up. The sky is full of stars. I could hear crickets somewhere nearby.

"I keep watching you, Gi, and Adrianna tonight. You guys appear to be having so much fun. The reality is that I feel insecure sometimes. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. Something wrong with my body."

"Girl, stop! There is nothing wrong with you. We are not ahead of nobody! Eventually you will learn that us women will always be judged regardless of what we do in today's society. Whether you had joined us, or not, people will always be like: Don't eat too much, or don't eat too little. Don't be fat, or don't be too skinny."

I lower my head, and smile.

"My mother used to yell at me 'Do you ever stop eating? Then six months later she would yell: 'Woah, do you ever eat?''"

"Exactly! Then there are those with the not-so-well-concealed looks of disgust at us, the not-so-well-concealed looks of concern at us. Don't be loud. Don't be quiet. Have a voice in society. Leave the talking to the big guys! You want something, speak up! No, no, no do it only when it's your turn sweetie. Ugh, she never shuts up, its obnoxious. Have you ever heard her talk?"

I take a sip of coffee.

Leave the talking to the big guys!

Sam Mijan...

"I went through my freshman year of high school with people saying that they didn't even know what my voice sounded like."

"That stuff is still happening all over the world today. Make sure your skirt is long enough, but not too long! Don't make yourself too available, but you don't want to look like that. Show off what you got, but if you do, it's your fault if anything happens. Then, people will question: Was your skirt long enough? How is any boy going to look at you if you wear that?"

I point at her.

"Uh, that is exactly what you told me earlier!"

"There is more to all of this."

"Like what?" I cross one arm in front of my chest.

"Like for instance: Have sex but stay innocent. Give the boys what they want. But we hate being called sluts."

She points at me.

"Virgins are so innocent. What do you mean you want to stay abstinent until marriage? Life without sex is boring. Life with sex is disgusting. Have you seen her? She's banged every guy in school!"

"Be smart, but not too smart." I hear a familiar voice. I turn towards it. It's Adrianna approaching us.

"Men like a smarter girl. But they can't stand it when you know more than they do. Play dumb. Ugh, not that dumb. Aren't you even listening? They like a smarter girl. No, no, now you just look like a nerd. Women don't belong in a classroom; they have to take care of their kids. You want a well-paying job? Take some incentive and study. You can't slack off because you're a girl. Do what you love, but don't. Be yourself, unless it goes against what society says so."

Adrianna falls silent.

"I'm completely stunned with your words. How did you manage to..."

She cut me off.

"We had literature together on our last year of high school. This speech was part of a research paper we did on 'We Will Never Be Equal.'"

"Wow!"