TordTom Oneshots/Smutshots (Requests closed for now)

The Water, the Clouds, and the Stars

Part 2ish to the chapter "Until Morning" over in the smutshots book ＼(⌯' ▾ '⌯)ノ

Tom lay staring at the closet which had been wide open. It felt as if he had been staring at it for a lifetime. He could feel Tord's hot breath against his naked back, as he exhaled intensely. He couldn't sleep. He wasn't able to for the past two days. It was as hypnotizing as it was frustrating. The feeling of Tord's hands rubbing up against his stomach made Tom want to cry some more. He already took it upon himself to do so almost as soon as Tord fell asleep--but feeling Tord's hands snake their way around his body only made the problem worse. He was right, he always had been. Suddenly, a soft kiss was pressed into his shoulder.
Shit. The tears had already made their way into Tom's eyes. He couldn't. Not now.
"Good morning..." Tord mumbled.
Tom didn't respond. He was too busy trying to muffle his soft sobs into the covers. He inched away from Tord.
"Thomas?" Tord called, moving further onto Tom.
"Mm." Tom hummed. He couldn't risk Tord hearing him weep. He didn't want Tord to ask questions, it was detrimental. He needed someplace he could be alone. He felt trapped--much worse than he had before. Nothing he did was enough to make him feel any better. No matter how hard he tried, he always ended up in the same position beneath Tord. Unfortunately, in all his thinking, Tom let out a small hiccupped gasp. He covered his mouth immediately but it was too late. Tord had heard enough.
He kissed his shoulder again. "Tom, are you okay?"
Tom only panicked. He didn't know what to do. It scared him. Having to confront Tord about how he felt scared him. On one hand, he wasn't comfortable with the way Tord treated him but wasn't able to communicate it. And on the other, he wasn't ready to move on. He couldn't have Tord leave him. He needed him. He needed him terribly. Tord rubbed Tom's sides in a comforting manner. This calmed Tom down only in the smallest way. His boyfriend's hands were warm and soft. His touch was gentle. Tord could feel Tom loosen up against him. He whispered, "Are you alright, sweetie?" Tom shuddered at being called that. "Sweetie." Tord had never called him that before. Tom knew Tord only called him pet names when he was trying to get something out of him.
"I'm...," Tom uttered with a shaky breath, "fine..." He'd said those words a hundred times before, but today they felt different. They felt alien compared to what he would've said a couple of months and a year ago. He moved away from Tord and pulled himself off the bed completely. He didn't turn around to face Tord, but he could feel Tord's eyes on his ass.
"I need to pee," he mumbled, lying.

Tom stumbled into the bathroom where he flopped down on the toilet seat. The porcelain was cold--he didn't bother putting on anything. In fact, everything felt cold. Everything except Tord's hands. Even the thought sent a shiver down Tom's spine. He couldn't stop the influx of tears that had now been streaming down his face. He wanted out, he wanted out so badly! But he knew he couldn't live without Tord, he couldn't bear it. He needed him as much as Tord needed his body, and he was ashamed to know it. He was ashamed to be content living as a sex doll. He was ashamed of being so easily swayed by Tord. He was ashamed of being naive. He knew Tord was cunning, he knew he was slick. But he couldn't stop crawling back to him. No matter what he did, no matter what he thought--it was all irrelevant. He hated it. He hated needing Tord! He hated needing Tord! He hated needing Tord! He hated needing Tord!
Tom stared at the water in the sink. He pulled the lift rod from behind the faucet and continued to watch as the water filled the bowl. It was so mesmerizing. The water was independent. It had nowhere to stay, no one to be with. It took the shape of whatever it was in. It was flexible, it was free. This enamoured Thomas. The freedom of water was so captivating. So illusive, so perfect. It was what he needed. He needed to be water. Tom bent over the sink slowly, watching as the bowl came closer and closer to his face. He leaned into it, giving in to his thoughts of being one with the water. Giving in to freedom. Tom found himself lowering his face slowly into the sink. He held his breath and closed his eyes, gripping the sink more intensely as more negative thoughts flooded his mind. He wanted to be water. He loved the water. The water was kind to him, it let him in. The water was beautiful, merciful. The water was all he needed. Unfortunately, Tom took a sharp breath as he became lost in his thoughts, forgetting almost immediately that he was in his own sink. The water quickly entered his nose and mouth, where it made its way into his throat, causing him to cough uncontrollably. He lifted his head and stumbled away from the sink, still coughing. He stared at it, shocked and terrified. He had nothing to say. He had nothing to think. The water didn't care for him. It betrayed him. Tom's heart raced as he hit the bathroom hall and slid down, curling into a balled-up position. He couldn't care less if he were naked and cold. The sound of the water running into the sink was already enough to send him into a sobbing fit. He wept desperately as a confused and equally shocked Tord hurried into the room.

Tord had gotten Tom to put some clothes on. He wrapped a blanket over him and sat beside him with his arm wrapped around him in a comforting manner.
"What were you doing in there, Thomas?" he asked. Tom could hear the worry in his voice. It scared him, so he didn't answer.
"Tom, baby, please. You've been so different lately, I just want to know what's wrong."
Tom hugged himself and squeezed his arms. He didn't want Tord's arm around him, he only wanted himself.
"I just needed to be alone," Tom answered. His voice was hoarse due to all the sobbing.
"You keep saying that. I was afraid you were going to say it again."
"I thought about jumping...last night on the balcony before you came."
Tord went silent. It was true. Tom had thought about it multiple times. He looked up to the sky. The clouds and the stars had put him in a trance similar to the one he was just in. He wanted to experience being a cloud. He wanted to be free to do what he liked. He wanted to try being a star too. He didn't know what compelled him to think that way. He recognized it was stupid, but the idea was so enchanting.
"And today I...Well, today I put my head in the water..." Tom continued. He basked in Tord's silence, closing his eyes. "I need to be alone."
"No," Tord mumbled, "No, Thomas, you're not okay."
"I am-"
"You tried to kill yourself."
Tom paused. This time he was the one left speechless. Tord went on,
"That's terrible, Thomas, why would you do that?"
"Because I wanted to be-"
"Why would you ever think to do something like that? Why would you want to leave me?"
"No, I-"
"Was it because of me? Was it something I said--something I did? Was it because I was out all day yesterday?"
"Tord-"
"Thomas, baby, please, don't ever try and do something like that again. Please, for me."
Tom sighed. He was done trying to speak. He couldn't. He was selfish. Why would he ever think to do something like that? Tord needed him. He hugged himself tighter as Tord went on rambling. He felt like shit. He knew Tord was right. He was being stupid. He thought about it some more--"Be water", what the fuck did that even mean? It sounded dumber and dumber the more Tom thought about it. He sounded dumb. He was dumb. More tears built up in the corners of his eyes until he found himself silently crying again.
It took Tord a whole minute to realize he was.
"Tom, look at me," he ordered. He placed his hand on Tom's cheek and turned his face to look at him. He kissed Tom softly, despite Tom not returning the favour.
"I'm sorry," Tom apologized.
"It's okay...You know I love you, right?"
Tom hesitated before nodding slowly. Tord kissed his forehead.
"Good." Tord went on kissing Tom's face, his cheeks, his forehead, his lips. He smothered him in soft kisses. Despite the gesture being pretty romantic, Tom couldn't help but feel the same way he did the night before. All he wanted was to be alone. He felt if Tord were to keep going, he might just end up sick. Sadly, Tord continued. He moved down to Tom's neck, kissing his jaw and prominent Adam's apple. He formed small hickeys where there weren't already any from last night.
"I don't know what I'd do if I were to lose you..." Tord whispered against Tom's neck. Tom let out a deep exhale as Tord shifted his body to place his hands at either of Tom's sides, trapping him once again. Tom could only close his eyes and wait for it all to be over. He was desperate. He was scared.
And Tord had already won.