Light// Minsung

saved me to Min

TW: abuse mentioning, suicide mentioning and mentioning of self-harm 

A/N:

Hi, I haven't posted in a while I've been getting treatment for my mental health, so I have been really off posting and everything I am back and hopefully won't take anymore breaks unless things get bad again..

 Lee-Knows story all though he hasn't fully been introduced yet I can relate to him theses maybe 1-2 chapters are about Lee-Knows home life and also about mine I still have living and breathing parents, but his auntie really resembles my mom.

Anyways onto the chapter enjoy. <3

It's weird calling Han's parents' 'mom' and 'dad' I never had properly family well when I was younger than everything was a blur from there. My therapist which I gave up seeing since my auntie refused all the mental health treatments and therapy..

I lay next to sleeping Han thinking of everything that's gone on in my life, it's like an endless loop all the abuse I endured over the coming years, my parents dying.

I remember my childhood cat Dori my auntie got rid of him because I didn't receive a B in English, I needed to have A+ or my Auntie would take always door privileges, make me stay up all night cleaning or doing this horrendous list of chores than go to school the next day and I'd suffer from exhaustion.

Or when my auntie invited over boys and hook up with them and I would have to deal with the disgusting pornographic moans of my auntie or the bed creaking or hitting up against the already paint chipped wall.. Those memories always suffocated me when I slept Seeing my aunties face. 

She haunts me in my dreams, when I go to school it's like I am in a constant nightmare that never ends, makes me want to put a stop to all the pain and frustration I got through every day.

I remember how badly depressed I got Not showering for weeks upon end always coming and going from school looking like a homeless person because I didn't have the energy to get changed or do my skin or hair..

 self-harming Became a Constant thing I would do It got really bad I attempted one day and Hyunjin he knew something was off, Hyunjin is like a brother we grew up together he found me in the bathroom instead of leaving me he helped me.. I wish he didn't.

Until I met Han everything slowly became better and better, I rarely self-harmed.. he was like the light at the end of this twisted tunnel, He gave me the reason to get up and be productive, to fight, to live.

Then he found out about my auntie I thought he would leave.. Like everyone normally does, but to my surprise he stuck there he invited me to stay permanently at his, his parents becoming my parents his brother becoming my younger brother. 

It scares me how long will this last until it gets bad again, I am left alone to fend for myself.

"Min" I heard Han whisper I look over and see him rubbing his eyes before sitting. up.

"What are you doing up Min it's 4:30am" he says staring at me still half asleep.

"Sorry I um just thinking go back to bed Baby we've got school tomorrow" I smiled rubbing his messy hair.

"No talk to me what you are you thinking about, Plus I don't think I can get back to sleep even if I tried hehe" He sat up hugging me.

Do I tell him? 

Or do I just keep it secret lie and not tell him..

He's my boyfriend..

He needs to know..

"You promise you won't call me weak or a crybaby" I move him off me so he's sitting Infront of me.

"Min you're scaring me" he says staring into my eyes.

"Just how painful It's been you know with my parents' death and my auntie's abuse I just feel like this happiness I am feeling is going to go away and I'll be alone in this cruel world, I don't want to lose you Han you are the only thing I look forward waking up to I have nothing left."

I couldn't bear to look at Han.

I just couldn't.

"Minho you deserve to be happy, and I am forever thankful you came into my life and saved me from a stupid panic attack. You really changed me for the better you make me want to go to school, no so anxious No wanting to literally die, It's been dark to Minho I really struggled to and having you I know I can get through anything and you can to I am here right by your side and so Is my family my mom and dad love you so much, and my brother he loves you and really looks up to you, you'll never be alone again, ever Minho and I promise you I love you so much Minho" Han smiled kissing my cheek.

I couldn't help but tear up.. I've never felt this happy before.

"Han can I-I tell you something" I said stuttering..

I want him to know about my history with self-harm the suicide everything.

"Of course, Min" He smiled holding onto my hand.

"W-when my parent's died, I was really young I didn't know when you died you couldn't come back, I was so innocent back than after a month and a half I realized My parents weren't coming back to this day I think of it as a joke, A cruel prank and one day My parents would just show up out of the blue.. Fucking stupid for me to believe.. I used to c-cut myself It hurt so bad I would have episodes where I wouldn't really do it and episodes where it was constant.. My auntie she knew nothing in her eyes I was this lazy Gay teen who's a parentless and fails everything.. Hy-Hyunjin found me when I attempted h-h-he saved me I didn't want to be saved I was so mad at him but than a few days later I met you and things got better" 

 I cried I heard sobbing and saw Han shaking and crying.

"No Hannie don't cry please don't cry" I say pulling him into my arms hugging him so tightly like the world was about to end any minute. 

"You are so young Minn-Minnie you shouldn't go through that you shouldn't of, you shouldn't of why I didn't I met you when we were younger.. Min please promise me if you ever feel like harming yourself or have them yucky thoughts you come to me, please. I don't care if it's 3 in the morning knowing you are safe with me Minnie that's all that matters okay" Han said holding out his pinky.

"I promise same with you Hannie, if neither of us has something wrong we go to each other.. You really saved me Hannie" I smiled interlocking my pinkie with his.

"You saved me to Min."