From the perfect start

Chapter 47- earn me

Sitting in the car, I watch as the vibrant lights of New York shimmer through the window, the city's energy pulsating around us. Anticipation builds as we drive towards our destination.

My heart beats in rhythm with the hum of the engine, and I steal a glance at Kaden, who catches my gaze. A blush creeps up his neck as he realizes he's been caught staring. He fidgets with his hand, running it through his hair. My lips tilt as I return my gaze out of the window, and I notice we've stopped in front of Kaden's home. After thanking the driver for picking us up from the airport, Kaden helps me out of the car, and in the silence between us, we make our way up to his penthouse.

If someone were to ask me why I'm here, there wouldn't be an answer anyone would understand. That's the thing with Kaden Graham Harrison and me – an explanation isn't necessary for me. It's a first. Throughout my life, I've wanted to justify my actions, make everything right, and ensure everyone understands. But with him, I can be unapologetically me.

However, I'm aware that nothing more will happen between us. His reasons may not be understandable to many, but for me, they couldn't be closer to what I would do.

I'll admit, a part of me is hurt. The little girl inside me aches because every time he says something kind that goes beyond friendship, it's clear he felt it before. He was in love before, and the place in his heart I hoped to fill is already occupied by Luke. The little girl inside me craved to be someone's first, someone's only, just for once. Even though it took me months to admit it, I am in love. For the first time in my life, I am in love, and the hope died inside me when he told me the truth.

I am in love with Kaden Graham Harrison, and I cannot hate him. How can I hate a starving man for eating? This is him surviving by hurting himself. Oh, Kaden, why are you so much like me?

"Everything okay?" I'm torn out of my thoughts by the man keeping me inside my head.

"Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I?" I ask with a sad smile on my lips as I walk into his living room, trying to distract myself with the beauty of this place.

"I don't know; the last night was intense," he says, coming right up behind me. I lean my head back an inch, and my head rests on his chest. Slowly, his rests on mine, and I'm glad he doesn't see my reaction because the warmth he puts into my heart breaks it just the same.

"Why can't it just be easy?" he asks.

He likes me.

"Intense, yeah. That's a way to describe it, but now everything is clear, so everything is good."

"So you don't want to talk about those guys or..."

"Or, what, Kaden? About what should I talk? Those idiots who practically kept me in chains with their insults and dirty touches for years? In the time when I should've had my first love or done things with my grandparents before it was too late? I missed all those things because they made sure of it. They made sure I was so drunk I couldn't move, but it doesn't count. After all, I was still a virgin. They technically didn't rape me, and I could've left at any moment. I wasn't a captive. But this is the past now. I can't do anything to change that, and I am starting a new life. This was just to close this chapter," I breathe out, while my voice stays stoic, a tear slipping down my cheek.

"Or do you want me to talk about what happened after? Or what happened the last months? About my brother? About the kids? What do you want to hear from me, Kaden? What should I tell you, because I will. I will tell you whatever you want." I turn around and look into his eyes, not breaking eye contact as he starts to fidget with his fingers.

"I don't, Ally. Fuck, I don't know. I don't—I don't know why you are here," he states, and I've heard enough. I don't need another disappointment, so I walk past him and head for the door.