Last Friday Night ~ tamber

37 ~ 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒄𝒊𝒓𝒄𝒍𝒆

i like red wine.
~~~~~

I left the club and stopped at the door. I'm standing and staring into the darkness, wondering if I will cry. My makeup is already smudged after talking to my parents. I've already cried a lot today.

Was it worth it...?

But seriously, was it worth it? All this change, help, love... Has it ever crossed her mind to build a future with me? In fact, she never talked about it. Maybe all this love was in my head? What if it was my drugged brain that imagined it?

Im so stupid.

I wanted to sacrifice so much for her...And now? Now she won't even follow me to explain. Our relationship was probably something different for us.

- Why am I so fucking naive?! - I screamed and several people looked at me like I was crazy

I felt embarrassed, but my anger quickly returned.

- Yes, I know, I'm fucking sick! - I said loud

I don't feel sad. Just stupid. I've never been very bright, but now I've hit rock bottom. She didn't even promise me anything. Fuck, we weren't even a couple. We were nothing.

Nothing.

...

I showered and changed my clothes. I've already packed my things so I can just take it and leave. I don't want to argue with Tara tomorrow, so it would be best if we meet in the car. I know it won't work because I'll have to talk to her anyway. But I honestly wish I never saw her again.

I don't know exactly how to describe what I feel now. I didn't cry and I won't cry.

I won't.

We weren't together. We'll never be. And she's the one who fucked this up, not me. I wanted to give her everything, I really have tried.

I trusted her. Cared about her. Listened to her. Quit drugs for her. Stood up to my parents for her.

Maybe it wasn't enough.

Maybe she always has to run away to some guy. When something started to happen between us, she ran away to Wes. Now that everything was fine, she had to do it again. That's her nature. She will probably never accept the fact that she's a lesbian. This is fucking sad.

Okay, her parents won't accept her, but do they even matter anymore? They lost her at their own request. Sam and our friends would support her. Everything would be fine. There is no chance of that now.

The door opened and I saw Jill there. I looked surprised and she dragged a completely drunk Tara inside. I sighed and looked at the floor. Fuck this. I'm furious with Tara. I don't want to see her. She broke my heart.

I bit the inside of my cheeks and pulled myself together to go help the girl.

- I'll take her - I said to Jill and I picked up Tara

I'm trying to be strong, pretend like there's nothing wrong with me. But looking at her is so damn hard.

- Amber - she said calmly

I see my reflection in her eyes, but it doesn't feel the same.

- Not now.

- I have to tell you something...

- I told you, not now! - I hissed

I went to the bed and placed the girl on it. She looked at me and then closed her eyes. She better go to sleep. I don't want any arguments now.

- She drank too many shots - Jill said

- I see.

- Are you still coming or do you want to keep an eye on her?