43 ~ 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒂𝒔𝒕

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- Do you understand it now? - Tara asked and I shook my head in astonishment

She explained some math topics to me and everything became a bit clearer. It's truly amazing how well she teaches. It's a pity that I didn't ask her to study together two months ago...Maybe I could raise my grades and not have to worry about whether I would pass at all.

- Yeah, thank you. You're amazing.

I said it so emotionlessly that it scares me. Since my suicide attempt, I feel like everything has evaporated from me. It's been a week and I feel like it's still going on.

- Stop it - she sighed and the corners of her mouth slightly lifted

- But it's true - I assured and rolled onto my back on her bed

We have a strange camaraderie now that I don't fully understand. Nothing intimate has happened since the situation in the storage. We just talk and act like nothing happened. Part of me is happy because I don't know what to tell her. We know we love each other but that's it. There's nothing more we can do about it.

I made up with Jill a few days ago, but she's still cold to me. I wasn't optimistic during meetings either. I haven't been positive at all lately. I would like to punish the girl with silence, but it is hard. She just spends time with me and calls me every night to make sure I'm okay.

I don't have the strength to argue with her. Something just changed in my life. I have changed.

- So, what are your plans after graduation?

This sounds so terrible. I hate answering these types of questions. They only make me feel empty. I don't even know who I am. I can't tell what I'll do in an hour, and what I will do in the future. It all became so fucked up in such a short time.

- Life keeps changing my plans so I prefer not to plan anymore.

We glanced at each other and Tara also lay down on her back next to me. We're looking at the ceiling and I started to analyze whether it all makes any sense. Well, what am I doing here? Why am I staying with a girl I can't have anyway? And why the hell do I have to play arranged marriage to get an inheritance? And why should I be clean if in the end I will die unhappy?

I wouldn't be sober if it weren't for the constant monitoring by my doctor and friends.

- What's on your mind? - Tara asked in a hushed voice

I would really like to be able to talk to her, tell her about every emotion in me, or more precisely, about their disappearance. But it does not make sense anymore.

- Everything - I just said and turned my head to look at her

We're lying in a short distance from each other. Any closeness with her makes me uncomfortable and at the same time makes me feel so safe.

- Want to talk about it? - she asked which irritated me

I've probably talked more about myself this week than ever before. Each of my loved ones tries to support me. Even my parents started staying at home more so that I wouldn't be alone. I wonder how long this will last.

I'm not used to this type of situation and it just started to annoy me. Everyone treats me as if I were a little child who could suddenly hurt oneself.

- Not really.

- How do you f...

- Tara please! - I raised my voice and the girl looked at me in shock - Why the fuck do you all keep asking me this?! I'm fine!

- Well, you don't seem fine.

I looked at her furiously for a moment and then it occurred to me that I had actually been a bit dry lately.

Last Friday Night ~ tamberWhere stories live. Discover now