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"so, you're training again?" julien asked while laying on her bed and seeing how she was putting together her bag.
"yeah" she hummed, grabbing her gloves for the asymmetric bars from her desk, throwing them into her bag along with a couple other things.
she was not in a good mood. she was feeling horrible, it took ages for her to finally get up from bed with the motivation that she was gonna go training.
there had been something on her mind lately that was making her want to dig a hole, crawl into it, and have someone bury her alive just to escape the watchful eyes of everyone. plus, the constant social media comments about her weight were not making her feel good.
"why?" he asked, watching her almost robotics moves.
"well i did a headstand and-"
"don't bullshit me" jule cut off, wanting to hear the real reason.
"i feel like a failure" she sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed "i was one of the greatest ones, i won medals and awards and acknowledgments and stuff and now i work at a stupid store and do nothing with my life"
"dev, you're not a failure" jule sighed sympathetically, moving to sit beside her and wrapping his arm around her.
"look at what everyone has done. you're successful with your youtube career, sunny's life is going really great with her influencer shit and molly finally reached her dream working at that place. don't even get me started with quinn, and luke and all of them. everyone has something good, and everyone's successful and the only impactful or important thing i've done is being quinn's girlfriend" she rambled, feeling horrible and stuck and hopeless.
"dev, i understand what you're saying but you shouldn't feel that way. you may have not done something impactful as you say but you enjoy what you do. you're happy doing it, it doesn't matter what everyone else may think, the only important opinion is yours" jule comforted, trying to look into her eyes only to get shrugged off by devon.
"julien, you don't understand. you don't understand how it feels to be in a friendgroup full of successful people and you're the only one that doesn't do shit" she grumbled, standing up and acting like she was looking for something in her closet.
"so what, gymnastics is gonna change that for you?" jule said, not meaning for it to come out the way it did.
"maybe it will" she retorted, furrowing her brow in offense.
"devon, you're old. it's gonna be hard to get something out of it" julien scoffed, already feeling an argument start to build up but not doing anything to stop it.
"thanks for the vote of confidence" she chuckled, but there was no real enjoyment behind it.
"i'm being realistic and you're acting like a fucking victim" he cursed, crossing his arms.
"well, i can't help feeling like this julien! it's not something i can turn off" she yelled as she turned around, looking angrily at him.
"then fucking stop trying to make me feel bad for trying to help!" he yelled back, standing up and meeting her in the middle of the room.
"i'm sorry mister i know what i wanna do in five years, i'm sorry that my useless life isn't your preferred topic" she rolled her eyes, grabbing her bag and walking to the living room.
"you're being ridiculous" julien laughed, walking behind her.
"i'm not!"
"you have a fucking law degree you decided to throw away, for what? because you felt too sad to do something? you were so depressed your little boyfriend left you and you did some fucked up shit?" he argued, completely stopping her from walking out the door as she tensed completely, feeling like he just stabbed her in the back.
"shut the fuck up julien" she muttered lowly, not even turning away but tightening her grip on the handle of the door.
"then stop putting the blame on me for trying to help! it's not my fault!" he continued, not able to turn down the level of his voice.
"then stop trying to fix it!" she shouted, turning at him with a crazed look in her eyes.
"fine devon, fucking drive to your little gymnasium crying and talk to me again when you feel like a grown up" he belittled her, not having an ounce of sympathy behind his eyes.
"fuck you julien" she fumed, opening the door and walking away.
"fuck you!" he yelled after her, hearing the door slam seconds later. he breathed deeply, trying to calm his erratic breathing. he had really fucked up "fuck!"
━ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
the whole ride to the gym was tense. she had refused to let a single tear fall after her fight with julien. it had been so unexpected, she knew it was her fault, she shouldn't have snapped at him in the first place but she felt horrible and him trying to fix it made her feel worse.
after graduating from umich with her law degree, she felt lost. she had gotten herself so into her studies to avoid feeling broken that when she finished she didn't know what to do. she didn't feel ready to be a lawyer, she knew she wasn't in the right mindset.
fucked up things happened after quinn left. she had to go to a lot of therapy because of that, so she decided to take a year off, which was this year but instead of making her feel better it was making her feel worse.
she knew she had said hurtful things to jule, but he did too, and it hurt her more that he thought. to see what he actually thought about her.
he had been texting nonstop since she left the apartment, begging her to come back so he could apologize but she refused to grab her phone.
she also saw a glimpse of quinn's contact pop up, but his were just asking how she was and what she was doing, seemingly oblivious to her internal turmoil.
she decided it was too much and turned off her phone, leaving it in the car as she parked it and stepped into the gym.
she was gonna clear her mind, or at least she was gonna try. she had really fucked up this time and she was having a hard time thinking how to fix it.
as she drove to a nearby bar afterwards, she was completely unaware of the internal hell julien was going through.
nobody could contact her. her location was unavailable and nobody knew where she could've gone.
julien had contacted everyone and nobody knew a thing about her for hours. he waited in their apartment but she never came back and her phone still said unavailable.
they really fucked up.
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𝗯𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗱𝟰𝟯𝗱 we really fucked it up this time🤗🥶😈 i have a temper just as bad as theirs & i also tend to run away from my problems🤷
