Trapped (Amorist Series #1)

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

“We have to lose in order for us to have hope.”

He taught me what's the real essence and value of love, and until now. . . I can't let go of him. And maybe, the lessons I learned from him are the ones I forgot, but did not, subconsciously.

Christmas doesn't feel right. It feels different to celebrate it without him. Growing old sucks, now I understand why some people prefer to work even on holidays. Some used to celebrate it as a child, making loud noise when it's New year, but now, some people only drink and sleep like it's a normal day.

They say Christmas is the day where people tend to spread some love, but then, how can I feel it? How can I value the essence of it? When that day my heart is bearing pain that is so hard to carry.

Birthdays are supposed to be happy, but now it only feels like it's a reminder that I'm growing old. And on that day people will greet and say stay at what you are. But when we do? They'll judge you for being you. Because we didn't reach the expectation they thought we would be, how ironic.

As a child I want to grow up and be an adult, to have the freedom I thought they all typically had, but I guess that was the wish I regret I ever had.

Nagbuntong-hininga ako dahil sa iniisip, sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam at nadagdagan pa talaga ito ng nasaksihan ko last time.

Bakit kasi may yakapan? Sino ba 'yon? Ang pagkakaalam ko ayaw ni Audy na yakapin siya, kahit nga tingnan siya ay maiinis na siya. Tapos sa kaniya sobrang open niya.

Halos hindi ako makatulog kakaisip, ni-hindi 'ko sinamahan si Vera sa pag-asikaso sa scholarship niya. Ayaw kong makita si Audy kasi kapag nangyari 'yon ang imahe niyang may kayakap, ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

Alam ko wala akong karapatan na mag-demand kaso hindi ko mapigilan, parang pinagsisihan ko na umalis ako agad kaysa sumingit sa kanila at kunin siya palayo sa lalaki. My blood boils by the thought of their body being close to each other, and at the same time, my chest feels so heavy.

If only I had the courage to take her away from him as far as possible I would have done it, and yet, that seems so reckless kasi wala naman ako sa posisyon.

Saka mas mabigat sa dibdib at mahirap ilunok ang katotohanan na parang kahit kailan ay hindi niya ako hinanap o naisip man lang.

Ilang saglit pa narinig namin pagsara ng pinto, I think it's one of our friends. Alam na nila code ng condo ni Mel, siguro tinanong nila 'yon sa kanya no'ng celebration after kong umalis.

"Ang hindi lumingon panget." Jin said from the doorway.

Lahat kami lumingon sa direksyon niya, siya lang ata dadalo ngayon. Inimbitahan namin sila Eira kaso may mga ganap din daw na celebration sa family nila which is naiintindihan namin.

"Alam kong hindi rational itatanong ko ngayon," Jin sat beside me, kaharap ko si Vera, si Mel ang kaharap niya. "Pero pasko ba talaga ngayon o may lamay?"

Magkakilala na sila Vera and Jin pati other friends ko dahil sa video call last time. Nagbuntong-hininga ako at sa hindi inaasahang, sabay kaming tatlo.

Si Audy naman kasi e!

Sobrang laki ng epekto niya sa 'kin to the point na ang nakita kong yakapan ay tumatak talaga sa utak ko.

"Pati ikaw belle," Jin sighed. It sounds like she's also having a hard time but she only conceal it. "It feels like there's something off between three of you." Palipat-lipat ang tingin niya sa 'min. "May nangyari ba? I'd like to give condolences if meron man nawalan ng buhay pero ano cause of deqth?" Tumingin ako sa relo bago siya sinagot.