Trapped (Amorist Series #1)

Tribute Chapter III

Note: The poem and this chapter aren't about fantasizing de'th.

TW: Used obscene language.

Please be guided.

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“Let us live, since we must d'e.”

"What changed your mind?"

Kakatapos ko lang mag-grocery para sa 'min ni pamangkin. Isang linggo na ang lumipas matapos niyang makarating dito sa Manila galing probinsya.

Nandito ako ngayon sa opisina ni doc for a check-up, and after our session, I asked him if he could find a cure or a solution to my sickness.

I wouldn't even try looking for it if it wasn't for my niece. I tried my best to ignore her, but in just a week, her purity softened me up. I said I didn't want her to be attached to me, yet it turned out the other way around.

Para kasing binigyan ako ng pagkakataon na alagaan ang batang ako sa pamamagitan ni belle. At hindi naman pwedeng balewalain ko siya, especially that her innocence and gentle personality truly reminds me of who I was before.

I'm healed, and I don't want to spread the pain. I don't want to be the person who'll make her feel not seen and appreciated by ignoring her. And yet I'm troubled with the thought that when I d'e years after we became close and her memories resurfaced, she'll prolly end up blaming her fate, and it will torment her. And I'm certain about that because we're a mirror, and I want to prevent it. So, for once, at least for once, I want to look for a cure.

"Dahil ba kay Vallener?" Biglang banat niya.

Na-kwento ko rin sa kaniya ang mga nangyari sa rooftop. Pagkatapos no'n hindi na kami muling nagkita pa ni Syiene, wala na rin akong balita sa kaniya.

Some may say “pwede pa, kaya pa 'yan.” But if you're in my position, will you push it? Knowing that you're aware of what will happen in the end?

I'd rather suffer for preventing everything good that can happen between us than to see her tormented by my vegetative state sooner or later.

But if I'm given a chance. . . one last chance to live. . . I'll choose to spend the rest of my life with her.

I'd choose her despite everything: my fears, my dreams, and even my sickness, over and over again.

Matagal na rin pala silang magkakilala ni doc, dati kasi siyang intern dito sa hospital. And I found out that each time they have a break they'll talk about me.

Dahil diyan alam ni doc lahat ng point of view niya, he even insisted on sharing it to me in favor of her but I no longer want to hear any of them. Baka kasi ako mismo ang maghanap sa kaniya pero hindi na talaga pwede pa.

Ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit sa kaniya binigay ni doc ang records ko noong una kahit alam niyang hindi ako pwedeng maging kliyente ni Syiene. He wants me to open myself up, and he knows that I was only afraid before which made me run away.

I was afraid of judgment.

I'm also used to being ignored, so her cozy, warm affection scared me. It is new to me.

Antagal na no'n pero hanggang ngayon apektado pa rin ako. Akala ko magiging maayos na ang lahat matapos namin mag-usap, 'yung tipong parehas na kaming makaka-move forward. But then here we are, we still have unresolved issues.