Trapped (Amorist Series #1)

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

I now lean in discomfort.

Weeks after that she disappeared. Vanish into thin air. . . while I suffer from the traumas they made.

It won't fade, our solemn memories that causes for my heart to ache. And each time I look at my friends, it will all comeback. They became a trigger.

I don't want to pretend that's why I'm avoiding them, and they let me do so, but even now and then it feels like they teamed up against me.

I smiled infront of the mirror, tricking my brain that I'm happy, yet another tear fell from my eyes.

"You look pathetic," I chuckled bitterly. How can I hate them? I don't do things like that, though I despise what they did. 'Cause it ruins me, down bad. "How can I move forward?"

"I'm stuck in the l-loop," I sobbed.

The door is locked, it has always been ever since that day. Napahawak ako sa dibdib, ang hirap, hindi ko maibsan ang kirot kahit pinagsusuntok ko na ito ng paulit-ulit. Bakit ba kasi silang lahat?

"M-ma. . ." I sobbed. "Ma p-pinagkaisahan a-ako ma. . ." gusto ko na umuwi, yakapin si mama at ibuhos lahat ng kinikimkim ko ngayon.

I sat on my bed, hugged my pillow and let myself burst into tears. Ito na lang ang kakampi ko, ang nasa tabi ko tuwing nasasaktan ako.

"P-pinganuhanan n-nila ako. . ." I cried my heart out. "T-they should've at least told me."

Someone taught me how to ease the pain when you have nowhere to go. Binaon ko ang mukha sa unan at doon pinagsisigaw lahat. Eto ang dahilan kung bakit maaga akong nagising, kailangan kong ibuhos ang hinanakit.

May pasok pa kasi at bawal akong ma-late. Ilang minuto akong humagulgol until tumunog na ang alarm. I turned it off, I could only allow myself to be vulnerable in that span of time.

I feel a bit better, I stood infront of the mirror for a second time and smiled. "How pathetic," my eyes is swollen like it's bitten by a bug. "What a sight."

Nag-suot ako ng sunglasses at sinigurong hindi na namumula ang ilong ko bago lumabas. Tahimik akong umupo sa harapan nila Vera, after that we prayed and eat.

Walang kibuan, ganiyan kami after mangyari ang lahat, pero kahit paano magaan sa pakiramdam na hindi nila ako pinipilit, hinahayaan muna nila ako. Sa mga araw na hindi ko siya nakikita kahit papaano may ginhawa akong naramdaman, kasi alam ko na kapag nakita ko siya, bibigay agad ako. Madudurog ulit ako, lalo na 'pag magkasama sila, mawawala ako sa focus kahit na gano'n na nga ang ganap sa 'kin.

Tahimik kaming dalawa ni Vera sa elevator. "May bagyo ata. . ." she said softly, gauging my mood. "Makulimlim pero may salamin ka."

I didn't respond, I crossed my arms and act like she don't exist. "Huli ko nang nalaman ang lahat pero bakit ako nadadamay?" Her voice tunes down. "Belle wala ako sa posisyon pero pwede bang-"

"Wala ka sa posisyon Vera kaya pwede bang tumahimik ka?" I looked at her, deadpan.

She opened her mouth to talk but the elevator buzzed. Nauna akong lumabas habang nakasunod siya sa 'kin. Ang bigat ng mga hakbang ko, pati na rin ang pag-hinga.

"I'm sorry." She said nang nasa parking lot na kami.

Pumasok kaming dalawa sa kotse, like usual, ako ang nagmaneho. She's right, nadamay lang siya gaya ko, ang kaso hirap akong harapin lahat. Parang nagising ako sa isang panaginip kung saan nais kong manatili, pero hindi na pwede pa.