Chapter 48

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Maddie's POV:

After we got back from dinner I just went straight to my room and went to bed. 

My phone hasn't stopped ringing since I got back. I've got 6 missed calls from Becca, 3 missed calls from Allie, 4 missed calls from Charlie and 11 missed calls from my dad.

 Wow! So he does know how to work a phone. So all those times I called him he was just ignoring me? Wow! Father of the year.

I throw my phone across the room and just stare at it now on the floor. 

Why did all of this have to happen now? Why couldn't my dad just have been a normal fucking decent human being and let my mum see me? Why does he have to be such a dick? All of those years of me begging for my mum because I didn't want to live with my nannie, because I didn't want to just see my dad once a month, because I actually wanted to have at least one parent that was there for me. But no. He has to just stop that from happening. I mean part of it is my fault. Maybe because I kept on getting suspended from school that he just got fed up of me. Maybe none of this would have happened if I just said yes to her seeing me when I was 13.

Maybe none of the shit that happened when I was 10, wouldn't have happened if I was still living with my mum, maybe then I would be able to sleep at night, maybe then I wouldn't be scared that if I move house something bad is going to happen to me. That I'm going to get hurt.

I now have a broken phone too. Great! I don't get up to check to see if it's broke or not though, I just lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. I just want this all to stop. 

I end up falling asleep but waking up again at 6 am. My phone is no longer on the floor and is next to me plugged in. Scarlett must have come and done that unless there's a ghost. It actually isn't that bad, my phone's only a little cracked. 

Today is Sunday which means everyone is at home, which also means I can't just stay in my room and rot in bed.

There's a knock on my door and Scarlett walks in holding a glass of water, she places it on my bed side table and sits next to me.

 "How are you feeling?" She asks me. I shrug and pick up my drink.

 "What happened to your phone?" 

 "Fell out of my hand" I reply with quietly.

 "Mhm must have been a high drop for it to be that smashed" I shrug again. 

 "You going to stay in bed all day?" I nod. Hopefully, yeah.

 "Come on baby, talk to me" I shake my head and just close my eyes. 

I just want to sleep all of this away and for everything to go back to normal.

Scarlett moves my hair out of my face and kisses my forehead before leaving the room.

I don't sleep, I instead just stare at my door. What the hell do I do? 

 I feel like I have no control on what is happening, it's like I'm just watching someone's life just fall apart and that life being mine. I don't know what is happening anymore. It feels like none of this is real, that I'm just in a bad dream and if I wake up then it'll all be okay. 

I wish that I could just have a normal life, that I didn't have to only speak to my dad over the phone or every once in a while. That I didn't have to tell my mum things that have happened in my life because she should already know. I just want everything to be okay. I just want to be okay.

Scarlett's POV:

I'm getting a bit worried about Maddie. When I went to check on her last night, her phone was on the floor smashed and with lots of missed calls from her dad and aunts. 

When I went to check on her this morning she seemed out of it, like she didn't know what was happening. It's worrying because I know what that's like to seem out of it and be stuck in your head and it's not a good place.

When I lost custody of Maddie, I got to say goodbye and it was the hardest thing to do and every since that had happened I would replay that moment in my mind hoping for a different, better outcome. I wouldn't sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about Maddie and whoever it not she was okay, I could barely eat because I wanted my baby back and was too busy thinking about ways to get her back. My mom got really scared and I ended up moving back in with her so she could keep on eye on me. She got me into therapy and I was diagnosed with depression. I had fully lost myself. 

I realised that if I was ever going to gain custody of Maddie again that I needed to not be rotting in bed. I started working again and eventually dating. It was hard because wherever I seemed to go I would be reminded of Maddie. 

when I found out I was pregnant with rose, I was terrified that the same thing that happened with Maddie would happen again, so I barely left rose's side.  But Romain wasn't like Matthew. I slowly got better at not overthinking about it happening but it was always in the back of my mind and still is.

So seeing Maddie like she was and how she looked just so exhausted is worrying. 

I go and check on her again considering it's been an hour or so. She isn't asleep but is staring at the ceiling. I lie in the bed next to her and stare up at the ceiling too.

 I hear a small sniffle and I turn to Maddie who has tears running down her face. She turns to me as well and I wipe her face.

 "What's wrong baby? I know your not okay, and that's okay, I just want you to talk to me baby" she shakes her head but continues crying. I don't want to see my baby like this, hurt.

I move closer to her and pull her into my arms. She sobs into my chest and grips onto my shirt. I smooth her hair back and kiss her head.

 "Its okay baby, your okay baby. Mamas got you. your okay" I whisper to her. She nods and lays her head on my chest. She's stopped sobbing but I can still see tears falling down her face.

 "You want to talk?" She shakes her head and grips at my shirt. 

 "Okay, okay baby you don't have to, we don't have to talk. But if you want to i am here okay?" She nods and snuggles more into my shoulder.

She falls asleep a few minutes later and her body relaxes. 

Colin knocks on the door and quietly opens it, smiling at me and Maddie.

 "She okay?" I shake my head.

 "I don't know Colin. She doesn't want to talk. She looks so tired"

 "I know, she will talk soon. She's still processing everything, I mean her life has just been turned upside down" he says knowingly.

 "I know and I want to help her" he smiles at me and tells me that he knows and leaves the room saying that he was just coming to check up on Maddie.

I'm going to try and get Maddie to open up because I can tell that there's a lot more to this all and I want her to know that I'm here. That her mamas got her.

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STAY SAFE BABES LOVE YA 😘

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