Three against the world

68

They were yelling, nonstop for the past 3 hours, letting everything out. I deserved it I know I did, I just let them take it out "And wha' bout the kids huh why you always pawnin' them off for" Daryl sounded pissed, and I did paint them off on Carol "I don't know how to be a mom, a good one, I never wanted kids after the way my father treated me"

"What about Bella," Rick said through gritted teeth "I loved her, but it was more as an aunt than motherly love, she was mine and always would be mine but the motherly love just wasn't there" I sat there looking up at them as I talked "when I met you I got put on birth control because I knew you'd want them, but I wasn't ready to quit the military and be a housewife raising kids, I worked hard for my job and as selfish as it sounds I didn't want to give it up to have a couple kids for you too, at least not right away. A few years down the road maybe but not right away"

Rick paced the room "All that time we were tryin' for kids, you led me on!" he was beyond pissed "I did, you always looked so happy when you talked about kids with me, I didn't want to take that away from you"

"And Carl? What about him?" Rick leaned his hands on the back of the armchair his eyes boring into mine, Daryl's jaw clenched and he knawed on his thumbnail "Not at first, but he grew on me and I love him like my own, that was never a question. Carls mine even if I wasn't the one that gave birth to him" Rick looked like he was doubting me and I don't blame him not after everything "Judy? The twins what bout them?"Daryl was calm now but his eyes still told me he was pissed.

"They're mine, and I love them it might not be as strong of a love as most mothers have for their kids but I also haven't had time to bond with them, their births were traumatic and it brings it back every time I look at them" both of them took a minute, they both hate that they weren't there, how I was alone with Judy and Carl had to take on the role the second time "'m sorry" Daryl mumbled and the room fell into silence again.

Rick looked pissed, I've never seen him this mad before "Glenn said Maggie needs help at Hilltop, you should go and help her, take over the place, or convince them I don't care. Well take care of the kids" This wasn't him sending reinforcements to her, he could have picked anyone, but he was sending me away. Rick never made eye contact with me the entire time he spoke, daryl looked at Rick confused, he didn't know about that plan either by the looks of it "Okay..." I said softly and slowly went up the stairs to pack a bag. The room smelt like sex, I wasn't surprised, I've heard them a few times over the past few months.

My bag was full, I had more things than I needed but I didn't know how long it would be before they talked it over and let me come home. The python rested in my hands, my thumb ran over the engravings of their names. Ricks was smoother than Daryls. It was older more worn out. I placed it on the dresser, the only bullets we found for it went to Rick for his so there was no point in carrying it around. It would be safer here.

"Mom" I turned and smiled at Carl, Judy walked into the room and held her hands up "You're getting big" I kissed Judy's cheek as she rested on my hip "They tell you?" Carl nodded and sat on the bed "They said you were leaving to help Maggie, but it's not that simple is it"

"No baby, it's not" I ruffled his hair "Are you coming back?" his eyes looked so lost, like he needed me here to get by every day "Come on I want to show you something" We walked into Carls room, where I put Judy in her playpen than climbed out of the window and onto the roof of the porch, Carl followed behind and I boosted him up onto the roof over the garage, we sat down and looked over the town "I'm sure your dad already gave you the 'you're a man now' speech so ill spare you hearing it twice" the sun was going down and it was cooling off "soulmates are hard, being with anyone is hard really, even more so when you have two that need your attention and trust" carl looked at me, his eyes were pained, he lost Sophia and now he wants to do what he can to protect Enid

"I kept something important from your dad, something he should have had a say in. It's my fault and I know that, and now they are both mad at me" Carl picked at his nails as he looked out at the lake "Are you going to come back?" Carl was smart he knew what was going on as much as I didn't want him to "I don't know, I want to, but they need some time to think. And while they are I need you to watch the kids for me, Judy, Merle, Theo. I need them to be safe and I trust you to do that" I put my arm over his shoulder and pulled him in for a side hug

"I can do that" he mumbled and I kissed the top of his head "What happens if they dont want you to come back" I squeezed him a little tighter and rested my head on his "ill still be your mother. If the three of us are together or not ill be here for all of you, I promise" we sat there for a while in the quiet "Michones going to keep an eye on you while I'm gone" he groaned "really?"

"Hey now, I didn't ask her too but I know she will anyway it's just who she is, the two of you are family, she loves you and cares for you go to her if you need anything" he squinted as he looked at me "but she's not my mom" I kissed the top of his head again and stood up "come on, I gotta say bye to the other four of my babies" I stopped for a minute and giggled "man 5 kids, I'm just pulling yall in anywhere huh?" carl laughed and I helped in down and through the window