The Hall Speaks #fallsemester

Say Nothing

#Shandi #Alana

The next morning, Shandi woke up and looked at the clock. As she turned over she noticed that her body was achy like she had worked out the day before. She looked around, and to her surprise, Alana sat in a chair at the foot of the bed.

"Hey," said Shandi.

Alana had her back turned to Shandi and hadn't noticed her wake up. "Oh, Shandi... hey! I was just making some breakfast. You want some leftover pie" asked Alana

Shandi shook her head as she sat upright in bed. "What are you still doing here? I thought you had plans this morning. You don't have to babysit me..."

"I know." Alana felt connected to Shandi in a way. In high school a friend of Alana's had committed suicide. She felt compelled to be there for Shandi in a way she didn't understand yet.

Alana moved toward Shandi, sitting beside her on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

Sore, but all right, I guess," she croaked, peeking at Alana out of the corner of her eye.

Alana nodded, feeling a pain enter her stomach. "Do you need anything? Some tea, breakfast?" She got up, resisting the urge to wash her hands. She started counting her tea bags in groups of seven.

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Kessa stopped by this morning," said Alana hesitatingly, staring at the tea, willing herself to stop the counting. "She wanted me to give you this." She handed Shandi an envelope.

Shandi took it and sat the envelope on the nightstand. Her eyes hurt—she'd read it later.

"Ah, Landon also came by this morning to see how you were doing. He mentioned that they need to finish the police report..." Alana reminded. "He offered to go with you, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure they want that report today, so let me get ready." Shandi pushed herself up, feeling dizzy. "Is Landon in the office?"

"Oh, I not sure. You should probably just call his cell." Alana held up a cup of water. "Here, you need this."

Shandi reached for the cup and poured the liquid into her mouth. It only made her feel nauseous. "Has anyone been on my floor? Are my residents..." she muttered softly.

"Yes, I was there last night for a bit. Landon, along with a few other RAs, are helping your residents. I think some counselors are still there." Alana could sense that Shandi felt overwhelmed. "Shandi, don't think about that right now, you just focus on you. There are enough RAs in the building to help take care of your residents."

Nodding slowly, Shandi began to get ready. While in the shower she could only think of how horrible she felt, like she was guilty of some unspeakable crime. She thought over the semester, ways she could have helped him, how she should have taken his sadness more seriously. A wave of dizziness came over her when she thought that being there with Levi only escalated his desire to commit suicide. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to help another resident again.

She walked down Alana's hallway, down the stairs and to the lobby, avoiding everyone on the way, afraid that she'd cry when the first person asked how she was doing. She didn't want to cry today. She felt there was enough attention on her as the only witness to Levi's suicide. She didn't want to solicit any unnecessary looks with her crying fits.

#Shandi #Landon

She peeked into Landon's office. He was on the phone, so she knocked. He met her gaze and signaled for her to come in, waving his hand urgently.

Shandi came in and slumped down in the seat in front of him, unable to straighten out her back. She still felt very stiff.

Landon got off the phone and leaned on his desk, completely attentive to her presence. "Shandi, how are you doing... honestly?"