The Hall Speaks #fallsemester

Campus Politics

#Landon

AK sat across from Landon, looking emotionless as deep anger burned through his eyes. Emily had caught him stealing underwear, so she said. Every other person on the hall knew at this point, which increased the gossip about the boy that wouldn't talk. Landon wondered if he'd have any luck. For the past several minutes, Landon had been waiting for AK to answer one question.

"I'm trying to help, but I can't if you don't tell me what happened." Landon rubbed his jaw, unsure about how to get AK to talk—he hadn't heard him speak all semester. No one had.

Then, abruptly, AK started scribbling something on paper. Landon watched him press the pen deeply into the paper, almost tearing it. He slid it across the desk for Landon to read.

"No," Landon shook his head. "I need you to tell me. What do you want to say?" He couldn't believe the differences between him and his brother. Last year AK's brother had taken his Ethics in Leadership class.

AK stared at Landon, his eyes narrowing, threatening somehow. Then his eyes shot at the paper.

Landon took a deep breath, frustrated that he was losing this war. He took the paper in his hand.

I burned her dirty underwear because she is a prostitute and they burn in hell.

"I need you to go to your room and pack. I'm removing you from housing today. Leave." Landon stood up, letting the paper fall to the floor.

AK pushed himself up from the chair, not taking his eyes off Landon, and left. As the door closed, a trickle of sweat dripped down Landon's back. He was left questioning his ability to run the hall, the suicide aftermath, AK. His uncontrollable love for Alana reaffirmed that he couldn't.

He bent down, picking up the paper and rereading it. He looked at the pictures on the wall of all his students over the years. Something like hope entered his spirit, and he felt compelled to do his job—to help students.

Landon pulled out his cell and called Drew's mother. She was the best therapist and psychiatrist he knew. Before AK could come back to the hall, he needed to get help. There was no way Landon could allow him, this loose wire, to live with other students.

A knock interrupted his phone call; he left a message as he answered the door.

Alana walked in quietly, sitting in the same chair AK had been in a few minutes earlier.

Landon tried to focus and forget about AK. There was no need to bring him up to Alana. "How is Shandi?" he asked, sitting back down.

Looking down, Alana smoothed out her skirt. "I think she'll be fine. It's hard going through this with everyone watching, you know."

Landon nodded, agreeing. "When I was an RA..." he trailed off and smiled for a second. "I know that sounds really cliché. But I'll never forget why I choose Higher Ed, specifically Residence Life. One of my residents was going through a really hard time. He was a pre-med major and kept to himself, mostly because he studied any chance he got. Every day I went to his room just to talk because not many people visited his room. RAs notice those details that others look over. Anyway, I planned this outing for the hall, but he insisted he had to study. Something within me kept pushing him to go."

Landon paused, his face turned serious.

"Later, he told me he'd plan to kill himself that night. But something I said and getting him out of the building had changed him. When he told me that , it changed something in me as well. Before that, I was an RA because Drew believed in me. I owe her my life in a sense. But that experience made me believe in myself, it made me believe that I wanted to work with students for the long haul." Landon rubbed his hands together. "I don't even remember what I said to him that night."

Alana couldn't find the right words to say. Knowing this about Landon made her wish she had been in college during that time at the same university. She would have loved him even then, and it would have been easy. Well, maybe not easy, but at least she could be honest about her feelings for him.

"I know you didn't come in here to listen to me ramble, sorry," he continued with a chuckle.

Alana hoped she didn't look bored. She actually felt quite the opposite. Landon opening up about his past was a little gift.

He continued. "So I read your weekly, and I already spoke with AK about what happened.

"Yes, now other girls on my hall are saying all sorts of strange things about him." She hesitated. "Should I write it all down?"

Landon closed his eyes, unable to hide his concern from Alana. A part of him didn't want to anymore.

"Are you okay?"

"No. But I don't want you to worry, I'll be fine. It's part of my job."

"Landon, what is it? It's all right... you can tell me."

For a while, Landon just stared into Alana's eyes. There was so much he wanted to tell her. First, that he loved her. Second, that he wanted to kiss her more than he ever wanted to kiss anyone.

He sighed. "How many counselors do you think VBU has available to students?"

Alana's mouth opened slightly. She wasn't expecting the conversation to take this turn. "I'm not sure... I went a few times but their offices were always so full of students. I never paid attention to the counselors."

"Twelve. That's how many counselors there are for 20,000 students." Landon sat upright in his chair, feeling indignant. "Being here is like walking around landmines. Eventually we are going to step on one and it will explode in our faces." He let out a heavy sigh. "Sometimes I feel ill-equipped to help students with mental health challenges when they don't have to self-disclose."

Landon rubbed his eyes with his fingers, wondering if he had disclosed too much already, but he continued. "What happened with my resident when I was an RA was a miracle. I was lucky. The truth of the matter is there are a lot more students out there that need help that we can't provide. It concerns me what the institute of higher education will become as the number of mental health cases increases. I'm not a psychologist, but it's obvious AK needs one."

Alana licked her lips, thinking. "What is the solution, though?"

Landon inhaled, nodding absentmindedly. "Eventually, universities will have to do some type of screening to see if a prospective student is well enough to attend. Just because a person can handle a certain academic load doesn't mean they have the mental capacity to attend college and be a part of the college community."

Alana looked away, the silence between them growing.

"Are you're upset?" Landon questioned, pulling his chair closer to his desk, closer to Alana.

"No," Alana lied, pulling at her scarf repeatedly. She felt like a liability, that he'd ban her from getting an education too if her OCD got out of hand. She'd been in therapy for her obsessive tendencies, but if she had an episode like last year she feared being labeled as part of that students of concern-group. She wasn't sure what Landon defined as mentally unstable.

She sat up, gathering her bag. "I have to go, there's something I need to do before class."

Landon knew he'd blown it. He got up quickly, reaching out for her forearm. "I don't want you take what I said the wrong way." He didn't know what to say without sounding like a public service announcement. He hardly put her in the category of students with mental issues, but bringing it up would only embarrass her more. "I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do. I've been researching and I'm at a loss?"

"You'll figure it out, you're so capable." Alana softened, but still the hurt ran through her system. She walked out.