total drama dumbasses

back at camp pt3 | chapter forty seven

total drama fuckers

courtney: duncan keeps touching me

gwen: ew

courtney: i feel very uncomfortable 😥😥😥

duncan: wdym uncomfortable we're literally dating 😭

justin: stop being a predator

duncan: havent heard you talk ALLLL day fancy that 

justin: im mewing

trent: AAAHAHAHAHA

alejandro: and thats the only laugh you'll ever get

justin: like you can talk, out of all of us you chose heather

noah: any sign of cody?

gwen: no sorry :(

heather: why are half of you texting, we're next to each other

heather: there isnt much looking going on

courtney: i think we exaggerated the severity of this situation

noah: it is serious though, codys literally been kidnapped

harold: gughhghgh i cbf to do this

noah: STOP GIVING UP

duncan: 😥😥😥😥so scary

noah: wasnt talking to you.

gwen: yall never catch me lacking im on my grind

///

JUSTIN

This whole thing is really fucking stupid.

It's been an hour and I haven't said a thing. You know what else hasn't happened? Finding Cody. Every five minutes Lindsay starts whining and sitting down on nearby logs saying that her feet hurt. Knowing Camp, we couldn't exactly leave her behind or she could probably get lost.

Trent and Gwen were embracing their inner zest and having gossip sessions, so I was completely alone. Noah was taking this too seriously, but if Trent got kidnapped I would go hunting for him so I can't blame Noah. He just wants to find his boyfriend. 

Of course, if I ever said that out loud he'd just deny it.

Also it's me, Justin, in case you haven't noticed. 

"Come on, Lindsay, it's not that hard," he said and kept on trekking on. Lindsay started wailing. "My feet hurt so so much," she whined.

"Lindsiot, nobody cares how big your feet are," Heather yelled. "Just take those Wonder Woman boots off if it stops you from whining about whatever bullshit you have going on because your toes are cramped in tiny shoes."

"But my feet are huge!" Lindsay complained. "If I take them off, I won't look pretty! And I always have to look pretty." 

"Don't worry," Beth said, and put a hand on Lindsay's shoulder. "You always look pretty, Linds!" They began complimenting each other and I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes. Gosh, are they annoying. 

This team isn't really complete without Cody, if I'm being honest. Sometimes Trent, Harold, Cody and I get together to fiddle around with our instruments and see if it makes any rhythm but without Cody it's been empty lately.

Even though this group of people drive me insane (except Trent) we're a group in a way. We grew up on this show together and went through the same fuckery Chris put us through. It's not complete with one person missing. 

Noah has a whole ass map and everything. He's wearing hiking boots with an army cap and if he owned any he'd be wearing camo too.

"Don't you think that outfit is a bit excessive?" I said. 

Noah stared at me dumbly but kept walking forward. "What part?"

I looked him up and down and pointed. "Everything about that outfit. We're looking for Cody on a hike in the woods, not going to serve Canada in the army." 

"And your outfit looks fine?" Noah's voice went all high pitched. "Even your voice sounds gay."

"Like you can talk," I said and stared at his blank expression. "Mhm, face the truth hunny bun. Us gays have to look out for each other." 

"I'm not gay," Noah defended, but then Izzy cartwheeled in between us and held up a red hair tie.

"What the fuck is that," Noah said.

Izzy grinned. "It's a red hairtie?"

"Please don't tell me you found it in your hair or your asshole," Gwen said. Izzy stared with her same eerie expression. If I'm being honest Izzy belongs in the uncanny valley with that IQ of hers.

"Ya'll are pissing the fuck outta me," Leshawna said and argy barged her way through. "A red hairtie. Can you all not tell?"

We all stared.

"Sierra uses red hair ties," Leshawna drawled on. "Obviously. I'll bet you fifty dollars that when we get to Sierra her hair is in a ponytail and all her hair ties fell out."

"Cody probably clawed them out to give us hints or something," Trent said. "Or at least to give Noah hints."

"Very well said, Trent," I applauded my boyfriend. I don't know, it's a habit.

"He would do that..." Noah said thoughtfully, and smiled at himself.

Maybe Mister 'I'm Not Gay' is gay after all.

But why am I acting like I didn't know from the start? Oh, we all knew. 

a/n

lucky ducks you get another chapter