Endless loop of madness - William afton X reader

44 - a month later

(Don't worry, William will return, (Y/n) is getting experience.)

Me and Richard spent days together, not completely at mine or his. Sometimes at his studio, other times on dates. Before he ditched me for work and other commitments in his overall busy life. He just hasn't returned my calls and hasn't been in when I visited, so I sat in my home, alone, having an existential crisis.

Stunned in pain.

Ghosts and shadows lurk everywhere corner, the air stale with fear and nightly nightmares that causing extreme pain through my poor body. Sometimes frozen in my sleep, feeling sweat rolling down my body, feel what I've been feeling in the hospital. Even with a somewhat cleaner home, but sunk state of mind, the place weight heavy on my chest, leaving me so unable to be in my own home for long period of time, without feeling like it's my fault. My body shut down with shaking hands, racing heart and the sound of Elizabeth doing the mental gymnastics in my ear, I couldn't even stay there for longer than a couple of minutes at a time, and when I'm forced back home to sleep. I found myself not sleeping, keeping all lights on, and blocking the door to the hallway. Was this a mental crisis?

Was there something wrong with me? Why can't I move past this easier than I moved past every other bullshit I saw and experienced? Was this a breaking point? No, I moved past being killed before, so why was this different? My body completely shut down, trapping me in a corner, shaking and sobbing. Uncontrollable long, dreadful cries that last into my voice became raw and tender. My body locked up, clung to a blanket.

Even when somewhere else, nights were always the worse. I see why Richard was avoiding me. I'd avoid myself too. So, to deal with it, I didn't sleep, drinking coffee, energy drinks and other unhealthy crap to better keep me up. What did I do with the extra time I gained?

What did I do? I can't remember, but I do know I feel like death. Thought of just crawling back to the one that shouldn't be named to find easier comfort in this dreadful time. I became desperate, thoughts so unliked and so broken that I didn't even know if I knew how to speak.

Whenever I pass out, or collapse from exhaustion. That ghost brat always manages to wake me up, moment later. There was no explaining to her anything. Not how she was slowly killing me, pushing me deeper into sanity. The longer I was away from sleep the more prominent these nightmares were.

While systematically killing myself, I kept my word to Richard. I was trying, even if it wasn't going to plan. There was attempts after attempts to get my job back or at least find a new on. Despite my attempts to escape the situation, I had nobody to run to. I had nobody that I could do that typically song and dance.

However, only time I felt strong enough to think was I drank myself into a deep empty sleep. I spent for a day once, felt my body ached, and the only person that stopped that from becoming the only way I could come and sleep was Daniel. Daniel kept our routine going. Even if I couldn't afford to spend money on things for our self care days, he'd just let me sleep in his arms.

At this point, I was too weak to even fight back anymore, accepting death with a coffin. Too many endless nights without sleep, even if I got a moment of shut eye, nightmares of what happened.

Currently I trapped myself inside of Daniel's bedroom. knowing it was only place I could think, and here I was, so unable to do anything. Every noise set me onto full alert, and all I knew was that I couldn't leave without getting odd pitiful looks from my neighbours. Looks of poor her, how shit her life must be. Or judgment meant. I hated peoples eyes on me for something that wasn't my fault.