Endless loop of madness - William afton X reader

43 - seeking trouble from Richard

Richard helped me home, taking our time, getting coffee, as the morning turned to the afternoon by the time we got home. His hand held mine tightly like he desperately missed the feeling of it, with little words passing between us, maybe things were on his mind. Maybe he heard the worse about what happened?

But it could be as simple as: It had been a while since I talked to him. Since we talked and held each other. I can't say I missed him, but I missed having someone. He didn't seem be jumping to his usual offering of companionship, but he wasn't the same as before. Clearly held his distance, didn't talk about things easily with me. Shame? Disgust? Considerate that I was still healing and didn't want to overload my brain.

All I knew was that it had been a while, and the touch of his hand felt electrifying. Where was a relationship at, other than one-night stands that lead challenges? Last time I saw him, he set clear boundaries that I didn't want to follow, so I stubbornly left out of pride. I didn't care about his points, but I needed him and I felt bad, if I stop because I don't want to look like I used him for more than sex. I felt awful about him helping to get a job, use his connections, and left as soon as my way of living was challenged.

He took time out of his day to teach me basic things, but I took him for granted on purpose.

I'm a bitch and that's why nobody cared that I was battling for my life or suffering. They had their sob stories of how much they cared, but they didn't.

Now, only person I had was Richard.

Richard settled me on my couch in a way that I didn't see the mess of the other rooms. He kneed down in front of me, holding my hands, but not enough for me to yearn for the feeling of touch.

"What happened?" He finally spoke up, gripping my hand tightly; it didn't reveal how much resentment he held in his eyes, or how he gritted his teeth. My faded words were enough to have him hold anger in his words. Despite all that, he blocked me from trying to move past everything with my head down. Stopped me from having to clean up my blood on my own and stopped the feeling of loneliness through this. He was there despite his hidden resentment. Like he already knew what happened. He could have. Plenty of opportunities to learn of what happened.

I was released around 8am, tried to call everyone that had a car, and the only person willing and was near a phone was Richard. He was during photoshoot, the start of one, at his studio with an important career advancement opportunity. Something that he talked at length about trying to be a photographer for. Not only would it be good for business, but over his 10 years of professional taking photos, he's never thought he could take on such a client. Yet, he put it on pause that for me. Why? I wasn't worth missing opportunity that he'd been planning for a while for.

I didn't care if I had to wait 3 hours to 4 hours until he arrived, he did. He showed up, even when I told him he doesn't have to, and I'd find another way home. He helped me get my job, Homed me for a brief moment, when I had no home.

I felt bad. I truly did, for months to a year of using him for sex, whenever I couldn't have my way with anything in my life. He took care of me when I couldn't go home to face anything of my own wrong doings, and I regret a lot. I regretted not being more friends, for not being readable, or seeing more than myself. The feeling that I was a lie, a coward, too, in my own ass to do anything thing, while preaching about what I want to be. Maybe I should try. Try to do something worth living, worth my time and effort. Time to help myself, while afraid to see that I still had needs for connection and someone to be by my side. I feared that Richard would make me feel like I have been deep down. Like it's my own fault why things were shit, why nobody but Daniel cared about me. Clare used me to avoid her issues, but then left when things became better at home.