Mess

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"Harry?" I said. He was lying next to me in the bed with the duvet wrapped around him.

"Yes, babe?" he said, removing a hair straw from my face.

"This was nothing, right?" I felt awful for saying it. I felt like an ego-bitch who deserved nothing. But I had to do it for me.

"Of course not," he shrugged, but I could see... something. "Of course not! We're like Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in the movie "Friends with Benefits"!"

I laughed. "I love that movie," I smiled. "Justin Timberlake is hot, and Mila Kunis is so beautiful, for not to talk about how hilarious the movie is.." I babbled.

We laid there quiet a while before I spoke. "I'm tired," I said with a yawn.

Harry started to get up, but I stopped him by gripping his arm. "Don't, Harry," I begged. "Please stay, just tonight. I need emotional support."

He smirked and laid back down. "Good night, Sammy," he said, wrapping an arm around me.

"Good night, Haz," I mumbled and snuggled up next to him, even though I got bad conscience.

--

The next day I woke up alone in the bed. I looked around in the room if Harry was there, but he wasn't. The curtains covered the windows, my clothes were lying in a pile on the floor, the door was closed and the light was off.

I turned on the lamp on the night stand and the room lit up. Then I saw it, a note on the stand.

//Good morning, Sammie.  

I had to go to my own room. Didn't want the other lads to get suspicious, you know. I hope it's okay.  

Harry xxx//

I put the note in the drawer and walked into the bath room. Then I stood there for a while. I stood there in front of the mirror and looked at myself.

It was strange to think that I more or less was a complete different person for only 24 hours ago.

For 24 hours ago, I didn't have any parents. All I had of relatives was my Grams. The strange thing was that I was completely fine with it. I didn't need any father or sister. All I wanted and needed was Grams, my horse, dog and maybe the boys.

But now that I knew that Mark, if all persons, was my dad... It made me wish that I never had won the competition. That moment, when I was standing naked on the bath room floor and looking into the mirror, I just wanted to be home.

I saw in the mirror that my eyes were filled with tears. I had just realised this tour hadn't brought much good. Ok, maybe I had gotten lots of fans, the opportunity to sing on a stage and a boyfriend. But how was it now? I had at least as much haters as fans. For over a week I had been in hospital, ruining the whole schedule. And my boyfriend was now an ex.

I walked into the shower and turned on the cold water, hoping it would clear my mind before I did anything foolhardy.

I washed my hear while the salt tears mixed with the cold water. I didn't know what to do! A part of me wanted to stay because I loved the boys and to stand on the stage. I knew that was the most selfish part. The other part of me told me to leave. To not keep contact with the boys, Peyton, Mark or the amount of fans.

I walked slowly out of the shower. I were now sobbing. I didn't like what I had become. A drama queen who causes drama wherever she goes, and also felt sorry for herself..

I put on grey shorts and a white sweather, not actually caring about what I wore. I took the plastic bag on my bandaged leg and grabbed my crutches. Then I sat down on the couch with a jar of cookie dough.

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