A School Assignment -M.C.-

Chapter 29- Running and Milkshakes

This chapter is for Jenna (als_morgan ) who has been super sweet and a great friends to me through the writing process. LOVE YOU JENNA!!!

---Meghan's Pov---

I walked into the school building anger already boiling in my stomach. I was not happy or excited for the day. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to be at home and avoid everything that had to do with anyone. I didn't know why I was angry I just was some days were like that. That's how my life went. I sat in my seat first period and the teacher droned on and on and finally I couldn't take it any more I stood up and over the teachers desk grabbed a letter opener from the desk and drug it down my arm, at first I felt nothing and I watched blood drip from the slice. Then it felt like someone had started to light a fire right next to my hand and I kinda wanted to cry. I bit my tongue and clenched my fist to stop the bleeding. The whole class gasped and I turned to the teacher blood falling out of my hand I frowned.

"I should go see the nurse." And with that I grabbed my bag and walked out of the door and I walked straight home. I rushed up to my room hoping Liz wasn't here. The cut hadn't stopped bleeding so I sprayed some painful disinfectant on it and proceeded to wrap some gauze on it. I still felt the same anger I had felt before especially the anger at myself. The anger I felt because I had let Jason back in to my life causing me to relapse and go back to who I was before the move the same angry anorexic I was before. So I did what I always did when I was angry. I rushed into my closet and grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top. I slipped on the clothes and I ran. Just like my first day here. And like every day since I ran like I was running from my problems. I was running home to my Dad, I was running away from Jason and Harry. I was running away from any feelings I had, and lastly I was running from my weight, from the skipped breakfast. I was running from 'stomachaches' and 'I just ate's' and I was hiding. Just like I always had. And I felt strong. I felt like I could take on the world and then, because Karma is a jerk-wad, I passed out.

*****

"Meghan." I heard someone whisper.

"Meggy." It repeated a little louder.

"Meggy come on." The voice said again sounding worried, and I knew it was Michael the boy who wouldn't stop finding me. Finding me at every weak moment. Every gosh diddly darn one.

"No." I stated my voice harsh and scratchy.

"Oh thank the heavens, you're okay." Mikey sighs and my eyes flutter open. My eyes flit from side to side taking in my surroundings. I was defiantly in Michael's room.

"Why am I here?" I asked my voice still hoarse.

"I was driving home from school and saw you passed out on the side of the road. And I panicked and brought you here and hoped you would wake up and you've been out for a long time." Michael rushes and I shake my head.

"How far away was I?" I asked hoping I had made it far.

"About 8 miles from school and like 4 from your house." Michael brushes some hair from my face as I feel heat rise to my cheeks. And I was angry my body had given up early and I hadn't gone as far as I could have.

"Meggy why did you pass out?" He asks his voice barley loud enough to be heard, like he was scared to ask me.

"I have no idea." I lie and Michael's head moves side to side slowly and I know he's caught on.

"Meggy." He exasperates and I shake my head no no no no No NO! Michael wouldn't find out how messed up I was. He didn't need to know how screwed up it was in my head.

"No." I whisper and Michael grabs my arm and slides up the many bracelets and I let out a laugh. I wore bracelets for another reason not because I self harmed but because it showed how much weight I lost by how many more bracelets I could stack on my arms.

"What's with the gauze?" He asked inspecting the short slit on my arm. The one I placed durning 1st period.

"That's a letter opener that got me out of first." I smiled hoping he would change topics.

"Well that's a good sign." Mikey whispers to himself and then he asks the question I've been dreading.

"What did you eat today?" And I break down at that moment I cried. Heck, I sobbed because I didn't want him to say anything. I didn't want him to know! Immeadiantly his arms wrapped around my shoulders and he held me close. And I took a deep breath and stopped crying. Because I was being weak. And I couldn't be weak. I wasn't weak and fat like I had been.

"Meggy, when was the last time you ate?" He asks and I bit my lip holding back tears. The tears I had just stopped.

"3 days." I whisper my voice not as strong as I wanted it to be. I knew I was destroying myself but I was proud of me for doing it. I was proud to destroy myself. I knew my body was breaking down the proteins and the fats and one day it would get to my heart. I knew I was being dumb but it felt so good. And I felt invincible.

"Meggy." Michaels voice breaks as he says my name and I realize I'm relapsing. I'm going back to where I was and I'm not getting better like I wanted.

"No Michael I'm fine." I say the strength returning to my voice. I just need to sleep for longer.

"No Meghan you're breaking." And with those words my heart stops and my breath gets caught in my throat.

"No I'm fine." I say trough gritted teeth.

"Meghan lemme help fix you make you better."

"IM NOT BROKEN AND I DONT NEED TO BE FIXED!" I scream and I know Michael is taken back because his arms release me.

"I'm stronger now. I'm prettier better than I've ever been, and if I was broke, because I'm not only I can fix myself. As screwed up as I am no one can fix me but me. And if you think otherwise you can take me home right now." I rant and Michael stand up to face me. He looked down at me and said.

"Meggy, let me hold your hand, lemme be there to fix this and then we can get food. I'll buy you whatever you want to eat but let me help. I want you to be better." And like that. With those words placed in just the right way I let Michael in. I let in one more exception behind my walls.

****

Michael and I sit in the parking lot of a Macca's I have a vanilla milkshake in my hand and my hand won't stop shaking.

"3 bites that's all I'm asking." I shake my head at Michaels request.

"I can't." I whisper tears reforming.

"Just start with one." He pleads and I dip my spoon into the shake and lick off the top layer so the milkshake is even with the spoon. I swallow the ice cream and I want to cry. I don't want to eat, not even a little. But Mikey didn't lie to me because he was still holding my hand. Michael was a really great.... Friend. Because even if I lowered my walls and I let him in. That night was days almost weeks ago. And even if Michael liked me he didn't. He liked the idea of me. He liked the person I had become when I got here and besides in just a few days they were going on tour and leaving me all by myself. So no Michael, you can't do this to me. Not now, because being with you wouldn't just hurt me it would kill Jason and that's too important.

OOOOOOH FRIENDZONED! This is such and emotional chapter but Meghan is just relapsing and moving past a loved ones death doesn't make it any easier. Not even a little, so in my opinion Meghan is recovering too well. But, we'll see where this goes, I LOVE YOU ALL AND HOPE YOU ARE ALL HAPPY AND HAVE EATEN TODAY. Loads of Love, Meghan.