Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 10

Zeke grumbled to himself as he bent over the toilet and scrubbed it as hard as he could. "Stupid aliens. If they're so technologically superior why don't they have self-cleaning toilets?"

He let out a sigh as he finished the bowl he was working on. That was the last one in this room. It had taken him about an hour but they were all spotless. Sparkling even, if he said so himself. He hated to admit it, but he had a bit of a talent for this toilet cleaning thing.

No sooner had he completed this thought than the door swung open and a little green man came running into the room clutching his rear end. "Out of the way, Earthman. I just ate some of your Earth quiche and I'm about to blow!"

Zeke groaned and turned away as the Hooblerian went about its business. After a series of noises that could only be described as "colorful" the alien seemed to be finished as Zeke heard a distinct flush.

"You're probably going to want to clean that up," the alien said as it washed its hands and walked out.

"Gross," Zeke muttered as he picked up his brush. He was annoyed to discover that the alien had somehow managed to make a complete mess out of about ten of the toilets. He sighed as he set back to work.

He wasn't sure how much time passed before he finally finished his task once more, but he decided to get the hell out of that room before it could get messed up again. He emerged into the hallway and bumped right into Nulfar.

"Oh, greetings Earthman. How goes the toilet scrubbing?"

"It's quite exhilarating," Zeke mumbled.

"Really?" Nulfar blinked. "I was about to suggest you take a break, but if you are enjoying it so much, then by all means continue."

"Actually, I think I'll take you up on that break," Zeke said as he tossed the brush aside.

"Wonderful," Nulfar clapped his hands together excitedly. "Perhaps you would like to peruse our collection of Earth memorabilia? Perhaps you might find it comforting?"

"Yeah, let's see what you got," Zeke said wiping the sweat off his brow.

Nulfar led him through a series of winding corridors past thousands of identical doors. He still had no idea how anyone navigated their way around this place. Finally they came to a door that appeared no different from any of the others and it whooshed open.

"Here you are," Nulfar said proudly. "Now keep in mind, we are not aware of the purpose of all these devices. Perhaps you could help shed some light on the matter?"

"I'll see what I can do," Zeke shrugged.

"How delightful," Nulfar exclaimed gleefully. "I have been most curious about many of these items. This one, for instance." He held up a large plastic penis and thrust it in Zeke's face. "I have deduced that when I flip this switch it begins to shake, but I cannot fathom to what end." He proceeded to hit the switch and the penis began vibrating loudly.

"Uh, I think that's a sex toy," Zeke said, blushing slightly.

"Ah. So it is involved in the Earth mating ritual!" Nulfar nodded his head approvingly.

"Well, kind of. People, women mostly, but I guess some men as well, would use that to pleasure themselves."

"Yet you say it is a toy. Do you bestow it upon your young?"

"No, I wouldn't think so," Zeke said, still somewhat uncomfortable with this line of conversation. "Sex isn't exactly appropriate for children, you know?"

"No, I do not," Nulfar said confusedly. "I was under the impression that Earthlings utilized sex to create children. How is it inappropriate for children to be acquainted with their manufacturer?"