Doorways to Everywhere (Tourist Trap Book 2)

Chapter 30

"That's three x's in a row. Looks like I win again," Nulfar said triumphantly.

"I don't want to play this stupid game anymore," Zeke said as he broke the stick over his knee.

"Once again Hooblerians display their intellectual superiority over Earthlings," Nulfar smiled. "But don't feel bad. One day, billions of years from now your primitively evolved species may reach a fraction of the intellectual prowess Hooblerians already possess."

"So you're really good at Tic-Tac-Toe. Good for you. Maybe we should try something a little more challenging, like Connect Four."

"Oh, now this sounds intriguing," Nulfar said. "Tell me, how exactly does one go about connecting these hypothetical four?"

"Never mind that," Sadie said. "Do you hear that humming sound?"

"Indeed, I do," Nulfar said. "That would be my colleagues on their way to retrieve us."

"So how are you going to explain this flying saucer wreckage?" Zeke asked. "Are you going to get in trouble?"

"No, I will assign the blame to you, which is where it belongs," Nulfar said.

"But aren't you responsible for us?" Zeke pressed. "After all you're the wise and intellectually superior Hooblerian. We can't be expected to know what the consequences of our actions might be, but you should know better."

"While it is true that under normal circumstances I might face some sort of punitive actions, the simple fact is I cannot be demoted any further. I've already reached the bottom."

"What do you mean?" Zeke asked.

"When this expedition commenced I was the janitor, which is a lofty and noble position. But after a sizable custodial mishap, the details of which I would rather not get into now, I was demoted to what everyone agreed was the lowest possible position."

"And that would be?"

"I was placed in charge of the Earth collection."

"Being in charge of the Earth collection is the lowest position possible on your expedition?" Zeke repeated. "I find that kind of insulting."

"We have visited many, many planets during our travels and Earth has distinguished itself by being the planet with the least potential to ever make something of itself."

"Hey I'll have you know we're making plenty of ourselves. Like, uh, they're making some halfway decent television shows these days. And, um, toilet paper's a pretty nifty invention. Sadie, back me up on this, will you?"

Sadie looked up from scratching Bumble-Boo behind the ear. "Huh? Sorry I was distracted by how friggin' cute this little guy is."

"I'm cute," Zeke sniffed.

"You're okay, but you can't compare to this adorable little face. Just look at him. Do you like tummy rubs, too, Bumble-Boo? You look like you would enjoy a good tummy rub." Bumble-Boo's head tilted a little to the side and he let his little pink tongue hang out a bit from his mouth as he let out a sigh of contentment while Sadie vigorously rubbed his tummy.

The trees around them began to rustle as the humming sound grew louder. Soon a flying saucer not unlike the one Zeke crashed descended from the sky and hovered overhead. Another Hooblerian beamed down and began having a hushed discussion with Nulfar. They pointed towards Zeke and Sadie a few times and then they turned towards the lizard creatures and had a brief discussion with them before the other Hooblerian beamed back aboard the ship.